Sisoloko sicela ukuzithanda. Kodwa lucinga njani olu thando? Ngaba kunokwenzeka ukuba uzithande kwaye ungabi yi-egos? Iinkalo ezincinci kakhulu phakathi kokuzithemba okuqhelekileyo kunye nokukhathazeka kakhulu zihlala zilahlekisa. Ungazithanda njani kwaye ungaphindezeli, "eli nqaku liza kuxelela.
Kuthetha ntoni - Zithande?
Uthando ngokwalo luneziseko ezinzulu. Wonke umntu osemphefumlweni uyaqonda ukuba ungokhethekileyo, umntu okuphela kwehlabathi, akukho wumbi, kwakungekho mntu. Kwaye oku kunjalo.
I-Psychology itolika le mvakalelo njengengqinelana neyeyakhe "i" Ngokucacileyo wayiqonda eyakhe indawo yakhe emhlabeni.
Indoda eyayithandana nayo inayo imiqondiso eyahlukileyo, nokuba baya kukunceda ufumanise, Uthanda kangakanani kweli nqanaba.
- Imida yakho . Ukuthanda ukwazi imida yakhe, uyayazi indlela yokuzikhusela ukuba umntu uzama i-Atheel okanye axhase. Nditsho nabantu abasondeleyo, umntu onjalo akavumeli ukuba isithuba sobuqu sifike. Ngentlonelo enkulu, ungomnye umda womnye umntu, ukuzama ukungaphumi kwi-wimiullations phantsi kwazo naziphi na iimeko.
- Ukuqonda iminqweno yakho. Umntu onothando uyazi kakuhle into ayifunayo, zithini izilangazelelo zakhe, iinjongo zakhe. Akanazintloni zokuthetha ngeminqweno yakhe, kwaye ukuba into ibuza into, unokuqiniseka ukuba uyayifuna ngokwenene. Akoyiki ukusilela, ukugculelwa, uya kubabona bezolile.
- Ukhathalelo lomntu. Ukuba umntu utyekele, emva koko uyanyikima emzimbeni wakhe, impilo. Uzama ukuhlala enyamekela, jonga ulungile, kwaye utye ulungile. Akayeki utyelelo kugqirha, ukuba kukho izizathu zealarm. Uthando alunqabile ukuhlala kwizidlo ezinde, aziyi kuzama ngamayeza.
- Ndikholose kum . Ukuba umntu uyazithanda, uyamthemba ukuthandwa kwakhe, amava akhe kunye nolwazi. Oku akuthethi ukuba amabhunga aphuma ecaleni akavanga aze angaqaqa. Uya kubaphulaphula, enkosi, kodwa uya kuhlala eshiya ilungelo lokukhetha enye inguqulelo yophuhliso lweziganeko. Ayixhomekekanga kwisimvo esingaphandle, asifumani ngenxa yokuba abantu abangaphandle banokuthi ngaye.
- Ukunqongophala kwediphozithi. Akazange ancame ukuba afumane uvavanyo oluhle ngaphandle, angazenzi isenzo esikhulu kuphela sokumdumisa, abancothule. Uyalazi nexabiso kwaye akadingi ukuba ayiqinisekise kwindawo ejikelezileyo.
- Uvuyo nolonwabo ebomini. Ewe uyayazi indlela yokuba ndikufumana, kwaye ngeendlela ezininzi iba inokwenzeka kuba unentliziyo esulungekileyo ngaphandle kokuzisola kwesazela anokuzonwabisa ngokwakhe, afumane ulonwabo ebomini. Uyazi ukuba loo vuyo ngumthombo obalulekileyo, kwaye ngulowo unceda abo bazithandayo ngenxa yokufezekisa ii-veris, ukukhula, ziphumelele.
- Izixhobo zasekhaya . Xa umntu ezithanda, ukhathalela ukugcina ubutyebi bakhe, abanamsebenzi. Ngokucacileyo uhlula ixesha lokusebenza, ixesha lokuzihlaziya, usapho, nabahlobo, ngokwakho. Ayizukuchitha imithombo yangaphakathi ngokungekho ngqiqweni, kwaye ke phakathi kwamathambo kunye nabantu obuvila abanobuvila kunye nee-IDler kuze kubekho bantu abazithanda ngokwenene.
- Ukukwazi ukwenza ukhetho. Inqanaba elifanelekileyo lothando kunye nokuhlonipha ubuntu babo, umntu akunzima ukwenza ukhetho kwiimeko ezinzima. Unokuqiniseka - kuyakukhetha kuphela okona kunokwenzeka. Akayi kwaneliswa yi "Blue ezandleni zakhe", uza kuzama nangayiphi na indleko ukuze "crane esibhakabhakeni."
- I-odolo ngaphandle nangaphakathi . Kwimeko epheleleyo yeLizwi, oku kulandelelana endlwini, emsebenzini. Globly-oda kwishawa. Umntu uhlala efuna ukumhlandela kwimeko apho ithuthuzelo kunye nezolole ivaliwe. Le yindlela yokukhethwa kwendalo. Ayiyi kuba yinto entle, ingakhululekanga kubantu abantu, akayi kubanyamezela kwaye abanyamezele ubukho babo ebomini bakhe. Abantu abanothando bayayixhasa inqanaba eliphezulu le-ecology yangaphakathi yomphefumlo-abavumeli mntu kwiindawo abanazo ezinokuthi ityhile ityhefu ityhefu, ukubangela imood, ukubangela umonakalo.
- Isimo sengqondo ngexesha. Uthando lubonakaliswa ngesimo sengqondo sokunonongi ngexesha lakhe. Oku kungabi lixesha kuphela, kodwa nokuzonwabisa. Endaweni yeenethiwekhi zentlalo, uya kuchitha iyure yakhe yasimahla yokufunda, ukuziphucula, ukusebenzisa ubuhle kunye nempilo. Ubeka iinjongo aze azisasaze ekuhambeni kwexesha, ayazi indlela yokuthethelela iinjongo zayo aze afumane iindlela zokuzisebenzisa. Akavumeli isenzo esihlekisayo.
- Khangela ityala. Ukuba kwenziwe impazamo, ke lona uthando aluyi kukhangela iingcambu zakhe kunye nonobangela kwabanye, bube bukhube, zama ukucacisa impazamo ngengqondo. Iimpazamo amenyelwa kwiakhawunti yakhe, kodwa angazityhoneli, kodwa ukuze enze amava axabisekileyo kubo.
- Iinzuzo zoBuntu . Ngothando ngokwawo, kulula ukugxininisa izibonelelo zakhe, zizise. Oku kuvakalelwa kwangoko, kwaye ke aba bangeneleli-zicelo bakulungele ukusebenza ngakumbi, abo basebenza bathanda ukumisela abaviwa imiyalelo yeprojekthi enomdla kwaye enoxanduva.
- Ukunyaniseka. Ukuthanda ukuthembeka. Kwaye kungekuphela ngendawo ejikelezileyo, kodwa kunye nabo. Akanomdla wokukhohliswa, ukuzama ukungadaleli iimeko apho unendima yenkohliso.
Ukusuka kwi-egos, kwahlulahlulwa ngothando ngokuvuthwa kwengqondo, ukuzithemba, ukujonga okusempilweni ebomini. Lo ngumntu owenzekileyo, kwaye awunamsebenzi kangakanani. Kukho abakwishumi elivisayo abanothando, kwaye akukho bantu badala abangazithandiyo.
Kutheni ufuna?
Uthando lunceda ukwandisa ukuzithemba, thatha zonke iimpawu kunye neempawu zakho kanye kanye. Oku kuzisa hayi ukoneliseka yingqondo kuphela kunye nentuthuzelo, kodwa ngokubanzi, ikuvumela ukuba ube ngumntu ozithembayo, owonwabileyo. Uthando lwam lwam, umntu uvula amathuba amatsha - anokususa izintso, azive engaphakathi, tshintsha ubomi bakho, funda ukuhlonipha wena nabanye.
Isibonelelo solo thando kunzima kakhulu ukuba sicinge ngethiyori. Kulula kakhulu ukuzama ukucinga ukuba iziphumo zokungabikho okanye ukunqongophala kokuzihlaziya. Ukunqongophala kwentlonipho yangaphakathi, umntu ohlawula ukuxhomekeka okungathandekiyo. Ngokukhethekileyo, kufuneka ibe lutywala okanye ilahleko. Rhoqo ubudlelwane buhlala buqwalaselwa. Ukungakwazi ukuqokelela uthando ngaphakathi kukhokelela kumnqweno wokufumana ngaphandle, kwaye rhoqo. Umntu ufumana iqabane aze azoyike, axhomekeke kuye yonke into.
Imvakalelo yexabiso lomntu ifumana kuphela intsebenziswano nabanye, yena akaziva. Kodwa oku kukhokelela kwisangqa esivaliweyo, kuba ngelixa singazithandi, akukho mntu unokusithanda ngendlela efanelekileyo yeLizwi.
Uza kuqala phi?
Qala ngengxoxo ethembekileyo kunye nawe - zithini izibonelelo zakho, zeziphi izinto ozithandayo kwaye uzihlonipha, kwaye uninzi - luhlala lugxeka. Unokwenza "ikhadi lokuqonda" - Yahlula iphepha leehafu ezimbini kwaye enye ichaza izibonelelo zakho ezingakhange zibuze, kwaye kwenye-izinto ezingalunganga. Iya kuba sisiqalo sokusebenza nawe. Ukuhlangabezana noku, bhala iimpendulo zakho kule mibuzo ilandelayo.
- Ngaba uluvo lwabo bangqongileyo?
- Ngaba ndiziva ndingcungcutheka eluntwini lwabasemzini?
- Ngaba ndiyathandabuza inkangeleko yam?
- Ngaba ndinomsebenzi ofanelekileyo?
- Ngaba ikhululekile kum ngoku kubudlelwane obukhoyo? Ngaba lukhona uloyiko lokuphulukana neqabane?
Ukuba uninzi lweempendulo zingqingisi, kufuneka uthathe ukhathalelo ngokungxamisekileyo-ukuhlengahlengisa ukuzingca kwakho ngaphakathi.
Susa umthwalo wetyala kunye neemvakalelo zokuziva unetyala
Le yinto yokuqala ekufuneka uyenzile. Kutshanje kwabanye kwaye baya kubuya umva, baphazamise uhlaziyo lweenqobo ezininzi, kubandakanya ukuzibandakanya. Ukujamelana nezithuko kuya kunceda ukwamkelwa koxanduva. Yekani ukugxeka abanye kwizigqibo zakho, kuphela unoxanduva lwakho kuyo yonke into eyenzeka kuwe. Ukuba yenzeka engathandeki, emva koko abachaphazelekayo ngenxa yoku zidale ngokwakho, ukuba ungayithandi abantu abalungileyo nabanesidima abaye bazalela ukubandezeleka, ngaba akubavumelanga ukuba babe ebomini bakho? Banjengoko banjalo. Kwaye kukho imicimbi enjalo. Kwaye ilungelo lakho kuphela lokuba ubathathe njengesifundo okanye njengentlekele. Ukuqonda oku kuya kunceda ukuxolela abanye, ukuqonda oko bakwenzayo kwaye kwenza thina sibavumela.
Okulandelayo kufuneka uxolele. Thanda iimpazamo zakho ezenziwe, zithanda izinto ezimbi kunye namagama owangenzileyo okanye oyithethayo. Qonda ukuba ngaphambili wenze njalo, kwaye kungenjalo kungenjalo kuphela kuba olunye ukhetho alunamava, ulwazi. Kodwa ezi mpazamo zikwenza ukuba ube nomhla, kanye le nto uyiyo. Jonga uluhlu olwenziwe ngaphambili lweziphoso zakho ngaphambili. Ngaphambi nganye, sebenzisa ngokuchanekileyo kwisikhundla esinjalo, sizithethelela, apho izibonelelo ezisebenzayo ekuswelekeni, isenzo esibi. Ukususela ngoku, awuyi kuyeka ukusebenza ngokwakho, kodwa uyakuyeka ukubetha kwakho kwaye ugxeke abanye, masiqhubeke nentliziyo ekhanyayo.
Zithabathe njengoko kunjalo
Ukuqala uzithanda, izizathu azidingeki. Ngamnye wethu sele ezanele, kwaye ke akuyimfuneko ukuzama ukukhangela izizathu ezizodwa eziya kuvumela ukuzithemba kunye nokuzingcaqa. Kungenxa yoko le nto kuya kuba kuphosakele ukwenza "ndiyazithanda ngoba ...". Igama elichanekileyo linye kuphela - "ndiyazithanda!". Kwaye ayidlali iindima, ithini i-mpum lempumlo, iindlebe, ubude bomlenze, umbala kunye neenwele ezivulekileyo.
Kuya kufuneka uyeke ukuzithelekisa nabanye. Yonke into ekuqondeni kwakho kufuneka ilingane. Ukubeka umntu kwi-veristal, ukunciphisa izibonelelo zayo-indlela ekhokelela ekujongeni kuphela kovavanyo lokuzihlola kunye noxinzelelo olungapheliyo. Esazi ngendima yeNkqubo yezeNtlalontle - ifuthe lentengiso, iinkolelo zentlalo, yonke le nto ijolise ekutshatyalalisweni kweziphicotho-ntle, ukusukela ekuqulunqweni kobunzima bentlalo. Umsebenzi wakho kukuphuma kwimpembelelo enjalo.
Ke ngoko, yeka ukuzithelekisa nabanye, ungafuni nemifanekiso efanayo oyibonayo kwintengiso, unganikeli ingqalelo kwinto abayithethayo okanye bacinga ngawe. Ukuba ufuna ukuthelekisa, kunjalo nawe. Izolo, kwaye namhlanje bangcono, basebenza kakuhle, benobuchule, benomdla ngakumbi, asisiso isizathu sokuvuya?
Chaza iinjongo zobuqu kunye neminqweno
Yekani ukugxila ukuba kulindelwe kuwe ngokungqongileyo. Jonga into oyifunayo. Yenza uluhlu lweminqweno yakho, chaza iinjongo. Kwithagethi nganye, kuyimfuneko ukuba uchaze ixesha elifanelekileyo, ukukhetha imali kunye nezixhobo eziya kunceda ekufezekiseni umntu onqwenelekayo. Emva koko, unokuqhubeka ekuphunyezweni. Rhoqo, ngokusekwe kwiinkqubo zobuxoki zentlalo, ukuba umntu obhinqileyo afanele anikelwe ngosapho, indoda ithembekile kwaye inoxanduva, siwela kwinto ethile, kodwa ngaphandle kokwenza nantoni na. Chonga imida yakho yobuqu ngokungqinelana neminqweno yakho.
Ungavumeli abanye abeke, bengahloniphi iinkolelo zakho, izinto ozithandayo, izinto zokuzonwabisa, ixesha lobuntu. Ngembuyekezo, intlonipho yemida yabanye.
Sukugweba, musa ukukhwela iingcebiso apho ungabuzwa khona. Sukufumana "intamo yakho" abo bangacwangcisi bonke ubomi bam kuyo ukuze bathwale.
Yenza izinto eziphambili
Nokuba ingakanani idiplomas onayo malunga nokuphela kweeyunivesithi, uthatha iphi iposti, indlela ocinga ngayo. Indawo entsha kufuneka ihlale injalo. Namhlanje, zonke iimeko zenziwe le mipu-ezikude, i-webinars zibanjwa, naluphi na uncwadi, iikhosi, izikolo, kodwa ngokubanzi. Yisebenzise, zama ukufunda into entsha yonke imihla, engazi ngaphambili.
Kodwa ukuzikhusela akufuneki kuncitshiswe kuphela ngolwazi olutsha kunye nolwazi olusebenzayo. Sebenza kungekuphela nje ngobukrelekrele kuphela, isigama, umbono, kodwa nakwimeko yakho yengqondo, ucamngce okanye uhambe, uhambe, uhambe, uQeqesha ukunxibelelana nabantu. Umda wokufezeka awukho.
Iimpazamo ezinokubakho
Rhoqo, wonke umntu xa usebenza ekuphuculeni ukuzithemba kwabo, abantu bavuma iimpazamo ezikhokelela kwimbono ye-hypertrophinte "i". Kwi-psychotherapy, oku kunikwa i-narcissism. Umgca phakathi kothando olusempilweni kwaye ugculelwe ukuzithemba, kulula ukwaphula. Inyaniso yokuba kwenzeka ukuba igwetywe ngemiqondiso emininzi.
- Umntu uhlala ekhathazekile kukuzithemba kwakhe , ndihlala ndizigqwetha kwaye ayinakukwazi ukuba nemfesane ngokweemvakalelo - uvelwano.
- Indoda ibona ukungahloniphi okanye ukugxeka kwidilesi yakhe , iba nzima, inomsindo.
- Kwindawo yokuqala, ubeka imibuzo kwimilinganiselo yawo yentlalo kunye nenqanaba labanye abantu. Ihlala inyula indalo ngokuthe ngqo ngenxa yenqobo.
- Ukuhlaselwa kukungazithembi malunga namagqabantshintshi ajikelezileyo kwi-frank yokugqobhoza intando kunye nezisombululo zabanye abantu. Kwiimeko ezinzima, oku kuba yindlela yokondla ukuzithemba kwakhe.
Impazamo yesibini eqhelekileyo ngamandla okuthandabuza. Kubonakala ngathi yonke into icacile, kwaye umntu wenza ngokuchane jikelele, kodwa ethandabuza imibuzo rhoqo emenza aqhubeke kwaye ajonge yonke into njengoko kufanele. Ngenxa yoko, umntu akakwazi kufezekisa olu thando. Ukuthintela iimpazamo ezinjalo, kubalulekile ukugcina umlinganiso ocacileyo kuyo yonke into, landela iingcebiso zeengcali.
Ukuba ngenxa yayo, akunakwenzeka ukuba uzixabise kakhulu kunye nenqanaba lokwamkelwa kwakho, kufanelekile ukuba ufuna uncedo kwi-psychologist okanye i-psychotherapistry.
Iindlela ezifanelekileyo zokuzilolonga kunye nemidlalo yonke
Amanqaku ethungo kunye nokwakhiwa kwesayensi ngexabiso lothando ngokwabo baninzi, kwaye emva kokufunda kwabo kuyabonakala, kutheni yonke le nto. Kodwa umbuzo wokuba ungazithanga ukwazi nokuzithabathela, funda ukuzithabathela kwaye abanye, baphakamise ixabiso labo elingaphakathi emehlweni abo, iimpendulo ezithile azikabikho kangako. Ke ngoko, masizame ukuqulunqwa ngokucacileyo imithambo emininzi imihla ngemihla.
- Uluhlu "amakhulu". Ngaphakathi kwesakhelo salo msebenzi, kuyacetyiswa ukuba ukhawulezise ukugxila kwakho ngaphakathi kweyona nto ilungileyo. Ngamanye amagama, siqala ukubona okuhle kuwe. Ephepheni lephepha, kuya kufuneka wenze uluhlu lwezinto ezilikhulu, apho zonke izibonelelo zenu kwaye impumelelo ziya kudweliswa. Ukuba ziphezulu kakhulu, ukuba zincinci, kuya kufuneka ucinge ngakumbi. Bhala ngokukhawuleza ikhulu elinzima kakhulu. Iingcali zengqondo zaqaphela ukuba ukuphakama kwenqanaba lokungazithandi, kokukhona kunzima kakhulu ukuba ngamanqaku alishumi elinambini. Ke ngoko, sithatha umthetho ukuba sigcwalise usuku ukusuka kwi-1 ukuya kwi-3 amanqaku. Unokwenza nangaphezulu. Funda kwakhona uluhlu ubuncinci kube kanye ngosuku. Oku kuya kunceda ukuqonda ngokucacileyo ukuba zingakanani na, ezilungileyo, ezilungileyo, kuwe.
- Msgstr "Impazamo". Lo msebenzi wanikwa oochwephesha bezengqondo. Eyona nto iphambili kukoyisa imali enzima yokuphoswa kwayo kunye nokusilela. Ngenye into, nokuba yimpazamo encinci, kufuneka icwangciswe emacaleni, ikhalisele kancinci intloko kwaye sisitayela somntwana omonwabisayo ukuba sithethe kakhulu: "Impazamo!". Kwaye emva kwemizuzwana embalwa, hugger wakho ngezandla zakho kwaye udumise ngalo naliphi na izwi elimnandi kuwe. Nje ukuba uziva ukuthuthuzela kwaye uzolile, uzinike ufakelo lomsebenzi ophezulu ojolise ekulungiseleleni "impazamo" yakho.
- Igxeko yangaphakathi. Ngaphakathi ebomini bayo yonke into engonwabisiyo yaBadala engonwabisiyo - umzali, ukufundisa, ukucebisa. Ukuthandabuza izigqibo zethu, ugxeke izenzo zethu. Khange uve? Zama ukungasebenzi, kwaye imini yonke uya 'kukusika "ngaphakathi. Vumela indebe eyongezelelweyo, kwaye umgxeki wakho uza kuqalisa 'kwakhona. Nanini na xa uziva uvukile ngaphakathi, ngenkalipho, ngokungafihlisi kwaye ngokungxamisekile kumxelele ngokwam "Yima!". Abanye abantu be-psychotherapist bacebisa ukuba bakhuphe, apho ilungu lomzimba livakala khona. Rhoqo yintloko. Xa umgxeki eqalisa i-monologue yakhe, kufuneka ihambe ngengqondo "ishukume" entloko, inamadolo, njl njl. Lo msebenzi unegalelo ekugxininiseni kwangaphakathi.
- Inkqubo yempumelelo . Ekuseni emva kovuswa, ngokuchazayo ukubeka ufakelo losuku oluyimpumelelo. Imood kufuneka isekwe kwi "Ndizakuzama" okanye "ndiyathemba," kwaye "kwaye ndinako!", "Ndiza kuhlangabezana." Zama ukulungisa esi sigqibo, gcina imini yonke.
- Uthando olungenamiqathango . Lo msebenzi uya kukunceda ungakhangeli ngaphandle kwesizathu sothando. Khawufane ucinge ukuba igumbi lakho lihleli umntu okuthandayo uya kuhlala. Uyayithanda zonke iimpawu zakho, imbonakalo, umlinganiswa, umsebenzi wakho, umbono wehlabathi. Khawufane ucinge indlela ekhangeleka ngayo, yintoni enxibe umhlaba kunye nobudala. Khawufane ucinge ukuba ifanelekile kwaye ikhule. Emva koko, thatha ipensile kwaye ubhale ileta evela kwigama lakhe ngeminqweno yangoku.
Hlawula umthambo onjalo wesiqingatha seyure ngosuku, kwaye umphumo awuzukuzenza ulinde ixesha elide.
Iingcebiso ze-psychologists
Ukuze uphile ngokuvisisana nawe kunye nehlabathi elingaphandle alikho lula, kodwa akunzima kangako, njengoko kubonakala.
- Ukuhlola iimvakalelo zakho, zive ukhululekile ukuthetha ngothando, ubuhlobo, ukungathandi.
- Zingqonge ngethemba, unxibelelwano kunye nabo uya kuxhasa umsebenzi wakho wangaphakathi.
- Dibanisa umsebenzi omde kwaye onzima-inkqubo inokungakhethi.
- Qhuba idayari yezinto ozifezekisiweyo apho uqaphela khona iziphumo ezilungileyo zemihla ngemihla.
