Iingxaki kunye nokungaqondi phakathi kwendoda nomfazi banokukhokelela kwingxabano, amava kwaye bahlukane. Kodwa kwenzeka ukuba emva kwethuba, xa kuhlelwa iingcinga, umnqweno ophakamayo ukubuyisela ubudlelwane. Ngaba kufuneka wenze le ndlela yokwenza le nto kwaye unikele ingqalelo kuyo, uxelela le nto.
Chonga unobangela wokuhlulelana
Ukuqonda, nokuba kukhubaze ubudlelwane kwaye kuphuhliswe isicwangciso sokusebenza, kubalulekile ukuba siqonde kwaye uqonde unobangela wokwahlulahlula. Nokuba iqabane litshilo ngaphambi kokuba lihambe ukuba lithe lamthanda, kungenzeka ukuba ayinjalo, kwaye isizathu seTrivia, njengokungafuni kwakho, kodwa kukho umkhwa othile Leliphi iqabane elingakwazanga ukwamkela. Kungekuphela nje ucinga emva kokuqhekezwa kwaye ucazulule okwenzekileyo, iqabane, ndikholelwe, yenza okufanayo. Ukuba ucinga ngempilo, kwaye emva kokuyisa ayifiki kwangoko, kodwa kuphela emva kwexesha elithile, ungayiqonda loo nto Ngalo naluphi na ulwahlulo, uxanduva lukhathazekile.
Kubalulekile ukuba uqonde xa indawo yokutshintsha yenzekile kulwalamano kwaye yintoni eyenzekileyo kanye. Oku kuyakunceda ukuba baqonde ngcono iinjongo zomntu ngamnye kuni kunye nethemba lokubuyisela ubudlelwane.
Ayisiyo yonke ubudlelwane bunokubuyiselwa. Ngokufanelekileyo, ungababuyisela, kodwa ngokuqinisekileyo aziyi kuba ngaphambili. Ukuba unethamsanqa, ubudlelwane buya kuphucuka. Ukujongana nokuphulukana nokwenyani omnye komnye, amaqabane aza kuqalisa ngokuchanekileyo ukubhekisa kwisiqingatha sesibini kwaye akazukuvumela naziphi na iimeko ezimbi. Ukuba akunathamsanqa, ubudlelwane buza kubakho. Ngapha koko, ityala alikho ngethamsanqa, kodwa hayi ngoku kanye kwaye uya kuhlalutya imeko okwangoku.
Okokuqala kufuneka uzame ukuphosa onke amagama akhubekisayo entlokweni yam, ekusenokwenzeka ukuba sele ethethe isahlulelo. Ngoku baya kuwuphawula kuphela umfanekiso wento eyenzekileyo. Siphinde safunde "inkosana encinci" yokukhupha isicatshulwa, bhala ikowuteshini ukuba "UZoroko yintliziyo enye kuphela" kwaye uqhubeke kwi "Unif Khawuleza".
Ukwahlula-hlula ngokungazinzileyo. Ihlala yandulelwa yiminyhadala, iimeko ezikhokelela ngenxa yokuba abantu bengavumelani. Siqala ukukhangela le meko. Yena, kakhulu, ingenzekanga imini kwaye ingeyiyo emibini ukuya kwikhefu lesigqibo. Sifumana kwaye siyiphonononge.
Kufanelekile ukuba uqaphele ezona zinto zibangela ukwahlukana.
- Ukuphulukana nokuzithemba. Le yeyona meko inkulu apho isiseko sobudlelwane babantu ababini siwile. Iya kuba nzima ukubuyisela ukuthembana, kwaye kwiimeko ezininzi akunakwenzeka ngokubanzi. Ukukhohlisa, umona, izithembiso ezingathintelwanga-yonke le mpahla inzima iwa kukubona ubuntu bomnye umntu.
- Ukunqongophala kweenjongo eziqhelekileyo kunye neyunifomu. Isizathu esivakalayo esiqhelekileyo, xa amaqabane, iTshatha iqinisekile, yenza nje isigqibo sokuhamba ngeendlela ezahlukeneyo okanye isigqibo esithatha elinye lamaqabane okanye abathandi. Phezu kwako nje ukuthakazeka kwento eyenzekileyo, kwimeko enjalo, uxolelwaniso olunjalo lunokwenzeka kakhulu, esi sibini sinamathuba onke okuphila ubomi obude nobonwabisayo kunye. Yinto enye kuphela: ukuze omnye okanye bobabini bafundile ukufumana ukulalanisa okanye bathobele isigqibo seqabane. Akukho nyana wesithathu.
- Ubunzima, ubundlobongela sisizathu esihle. Iingcali zengqondo kunye ne-ForensSuthelSSSSSTSSUSMS ichaza ukuba le nto ivela ngenye incwadana enemigaqo yi-95%, nangaphezulu kunexesha elinye. Umntu unokuguquka, athandazele uxolelo, thandazeni, tshise kwiintloni, zithembise ", kodwa amanani ziinkcukacha-manani kwaye asizukuya kuwo. Ungayenza, ukuba ulixhoba, nokuba kufanelekile ukusombulula kuphela.
- Uxinzelelo lwengqondo, ulawulo lukwayindlela yobundlobongela. Yonke into ethethwayo isetyenziswa ngokulinganayo kxinzelelo lwengqondo. Ukuba iqabane linokufumana ukuthuka, ligxunyekwe rhoqo, lisoyika, ligxeke, ngaphandle kwesizathu, abahlobo, abahlobo, emva koko balungisa into Kunzima. Emva kokuba ubuyile, le meko inokuba nzima nangakumbi.
- Ukuphoxeka. Yonke into ilula: Inyani yayingeyiyo enye njengoko ucinga, iqabane labonisa zonke iimpawu oye wazixhwalwa kuye ekwenzeni kwethu. Kuyenzeka ukuba ubuyisele ubudlelwane, kodwa emva kwakho ukuba ususe ulindelo olungafunekiyo kwaye luye lwakwamkela umntu, kwaye njengoko kunjalo.
- Ukuxhomekeka - iziyobisi, utywala, ukungcakaza kunye nabanye. Zithathele isigqibo ngokwazo, kodwa iimeko xa isahlulelo sidibene neqabane ukuba lihambe kwaye linyangwe, enye. Kuphela zizithembiso ezingenanto kuphela.
- Isithukuthezi, isiyobisi, indlela. Ngokungaqhelekanga ngokwaneleyo, kodwa ukwahlukana kuyakufutshane, kuyakwazi ukwenza ukwahluka okungantlukwano eyayiswelekile ngolwalamano lwakho kutshanje. Emva kokuvala iimvakalelo kunokukhanya ngamandla amatsha. Eyona nto iphambili kukuba ukwahlulwa kunye noxolelwaniso alukho kumkhwa, ubudlelwane buza kuphuhlisa kuphela uhlobo lwendalo kuphela kwaye buza kuba sekupheleni kwemvakalelo yokuqhelisela imvakalelo.
- Iingxabano zesiseko seengxaki zemali kunye nokungaqondani. Ukuba le nto yayikuphela kwengqokelela (enqabileyo), ukuhlangana kwakhona kunokwenzeka, ngokuxhomekeka ekubeni amaqabane aya kuqwalasela ubudlelwane babo kwezemali kunye noxanduva.
- Izaphulelo zonxibelelwano (ukungoneliseki ngokwesondo, ngokweemvakalelo "). Esi sizathu sokulungiswa siphantsi, kodwa kunzima kwaye kuphela komnqweno oqinileyo wamaqabane ukuvala kwakhona.
Abanye bacinga ukuba unobangela wokuhlulelana yayikukuvutha ngumsindo okanye ixanda elincinci ngenxa yamaqhinga asekhaya. Oku akuyonyaniso. Ukuvutha komsindo okanye isikrelemlu sisiphumo sezizathu ezichazwe apha ngasentla. Kungenxa yoko le nto kubalulekile ukuvavanya isenzo esithandekayo, ingeyiyo into awayeyithetha okanye yenze ngokukhawuleza ngaphambi kokuba abeke umnyango, kodwa ziziphi izizathu zoku kukhokelela kule nto. Le yindlela ekuya kunceda ekuqondeni ukuba ubudlelwane busenamathemba okanye bhetele bushiye ngaphambili kwaye uqalise ubomi obutsha.
Ngaba kufanelekile ukubuyisela uthando?
Ngaphambi kokuba uphendule lo mbuzo unzima, kubalulekile ukwazi ukuba kwinkqubo yokuziqhelanisa nokwahlula nomntu owayekade ubalulekile kuwe, kodwa unokubaluleka ngoku, ikho inqanaba lezengqondo le-PROCHOLOGENTE. Oku kuthetha ukuba emntwini emva kokuba ingqumbo kunye nomsindo, umnqweno wokuyeka bonke ukubandezeleka kwabo, ukudibana neqabane lakhe. Kwaye apha uqala ukuhamba ngeenyawo zethamsanqa kwaye nikhangele ngokukhawuleza kunye nekhulu leepesenti zokubuyisela intanda yakho (intanda). Kweli nqanaba, oochwephesha bezengqondo bayacebisa ukuba bangabi naliphi na izenzo ezisebenzayo kwaye balawule ngenkuthalo iminqweno yabo yokubhala umyalezo, umnxeba okanye ukubhengeza kwiqabane lomsebenzi. Onke amanqanaba enzeka, kwanabo uthando lwabo basweleke, kunye nabo baqondayo kakuhle ukuba ubuya bubuyisele ubomi bakhe kwisihogo kunye nesiphithiphithi.
Umnqweno ukubuyela umntu kweli nqanaba kubangelwa luthando engenamandla, njengoko ndicinga phantse yonke into, kunye noloyiko ezinesiqalelo - ukoyika ukuba ahlale yedwa, ukoyika akuthethi ukufumana ulonwabo yakho, ukoyika elizayo. Xa eli nqanaba ligqitha, umntu uya kuba nempendulo kuMbuzo ophambili- nokuba uyathanda ngokwenene kwaye efuna ukubuyisela ubudlelwane. Buyisa umntu omthandayo ubunzima, kodwa hayi umbono ongenathemba. Kodwa phila nalowo ubomi obude kwaye obonwabisayo yinto enye.
Iingcali zengqondo ezininzi zibonisa ukuba kule ndlela unokulinda ukuphoxeka - ubudlelwane ngoku ngamaphupha ngoku babonayo, baya kuba kude kakhulu.
Ukuphendula umbuzo ukuba ngaba kubalulekile ukuvusa ubudlelwane, kubalulekile ukwazi ukuba ngubani umntu omthandayo ucinga ngayo. Ukuba akafuni nokunxibelelana, akufanelekanga ukuba ucaphukise. "Owayesengaphambili" enokuba nobunkunkqele kakhulu kwaye ayinyamezele, kodwa akukho mtshato okanye umanyano sele usindisile ubuchule. Ukuba iqabane licebise ngokulinganayo kunye neentetho ngokuphumelelayo, zama ukungabinamsebenzi wokugcina isidima sakho. Kuya kufuneka siqonde kwaye siqonde ukuba akukho nto kwikamva kunye nalo mntu ayisayi kuba njengangaphambili: Nokuba ucela umcelise omnye, esazi ukuba kukho omnye umfazi ophakathi kwakho. Ukungazithembi. Umbuzo uphakama ukuba kufanelekile ukuchitha ixesha elixabisekileyo kumntu onoyolo akasakhi. Lixesha lokuzola, thabatha ngesandla kwaye emva kwethuba, xa uza kuba yingqondo ngokwengqondo nangokweemvakalelo, ukuqala ubudlelwane obutsha.
Musa ukweyisela kwaye umntu ozingisileyo uthi umanyano lwakho "alusebenzi." Mshiye yedwa. Wamkele nje, kuba iqabane alikho kangako. Kulungile ngokuqinisekileyo ayisebenzi. Iimpawu zolwalamano lwendalo olungazukuma kwaye luqale kwakhona ukuze kungabi kakhulu, zadweliswa apha ngasentla. Ke ngoko, inkcazo yesando yokwahlula iya kuphinda incede ekuqondeni ukuba kufanelekile ukugcina iimvakalelo okanye ukuzisindisa.
Ukwenza kube lula ukuba uqonde ukuba kutheni ubulumko busaphila kangangokuba "emanzini omnye asiphindwe kabini," kufanelekile ukuba zikhokele ezi zibalo zilandelayo:
- I-15% yabantu emva koqhawulo mtshato kwakhona;
- Iipesenti ezingama-20 zabo bathi ubudlelwane emva kokwahlukana kuba bhetele;
- Phantse ama-35% abo bazisolayo ukuba ubudlelwane bubuyise, ngoku buzisa ububi kunye nokukrakra.
Ungaqhubeka njani ulwalamano?
Siye saya kwinxalenye ebalulekileyo yencoko - indlela yokwenza inyathelo lokuqala eliza kudibana, ukuba lisagqitywa ekubeni lizame ukusindisa ubudlelwane. Okokuqala, uxolo iqabane kuyo yonke into awayenzayo aze axolele, ukuba kukho imvakalelo yokuba netyala yakho. Ngaphandle kokuxolelwa ngokunyaniseka nokunyaniseka, akukho luhlobo oluqhubekayo lubalwe. Ukubuya kuya kufuneka kuthetha ukungabikho ngokupheleleyo kwamabango kunye nokukhubekisa.
Ukuba ukulungele le, susa amava aluncedo kwaye ushiye yonke into ngaphambili. Kufanelekile ukuba uqaphele iindlela ezininzi zokuxelela iqabane ongathanda ukubuyisela kunye nokuseka ubudlelwane.
Umnxeba
Ukuba uyindoda, kulula ukuba uthathe isigqibo malunga nefowuni. Abasetyhini bahlala beneengxaki ngenxa yokoyika ukuba balahliwe. Khetha ixesha lokutsala umnxeba, ilungele iqabane lakho. Musa ukubiza kusasa xa umntu esiya kwi-jam yetrafikhi okanye ekhawulezileyo ukuba asebenze, ungabizi ngexesha lokusebenza, kunokuba yinto engafanelekanga. Ukufowuna kade kakhulu kunokubangela umntu, akunakulindeleka ukuba akwazi ukuqonda ngokukhawuleza ukuba kutheni kwaye kutheni wafowunayo. Fowuna xa umntu enamaxesha asimahla xa aphumla, ehlaziyekile.
Sukunxila ngenxa yenkalipho okanye umnxeba phantsi komxholo othi "ndikulo." Kwangoko nangokunyaniseka, ngokunyaniseka kunokwenzeka, nceda wazise umnxibelelanisi, ukuba uzisole ngento eyenzekileyo kwaye angathanda ukulungisa yonke into. Ukuba umntu ubonakalisa isivumelwano sokuphendula, nyula intlanganiso kwaye uthethe malunga neemvakalelo zakho. Ngomnxeba, imibuzo enjalo ayisonjululwanga. Ukuba umntu akafuni kwaye uve ngoxolelwaniso, ngentlonelo amthanda ngayo yonke into elungileyo ukuba ube nexesha elichithwe kunye, chaza kwakhona (ngokufutshane) kwaye uthi kuwe.
Ungabizi kwakhona. Ukuba "uphuma", yini na ukuba ubize, ngokuqinisekileyo uya kuza uqhagamshelana naye. Ukuba akukhange ungabizi, ke akanayo into onokuyixelela yona, kuba ubudlelwane bakho sele bekudala.
Bhala
Ngomnxeba ofuna ukuba nesibindi. Malunga nesigqibo sakho sokuzama ukuphinda uqale ubudlelwane kulula kakhulu ukuba unike ingxelo ngokubhala. Ungayibhala kumyalezo weSMS, kwi-messenger okanye uthungelwano lwentlalo. Kukho izinto ezinkulu zokuqala ezithatha ezona miyalezo zibalulekileyo ebomini babo ukuba zithumele ngendlela yeleta yephepha ngedilesi yeposi. Zinyule, kodwa khumbula ukuba ngokwembalelwano, nayo, akukho nto iconjululweyo, nangona kulula ukuchaza iingcinga zam kunye nendoda, kwaye intombazana ilula ukuba ibhalile, kwaye amagama afunyanwa echanile ngakumbi kwaye abe ngabom.
Kwileta, ungasikhumbuli isizathu sengqumbo, musa ukuzama ukwenzakalisa okanye ukuqhekeza, ukwahlulahlula. Ezona mizamo ingaphumelelayo yoxolelwaniso zihlala zihamba kunye neempazamo ezinjalo ("ubuncinci wenze kakubi ...", "nangona wena," ndiyafa ngaphandle kwakho, ndiyafa "). Ifomu ezimbini zokuqala zibangela ukuba kubekho isidanga, kwaye owesithathu yimfesane. Ayisiyo msindo okanye ubumxhelo banegalelo ekuvelisweni komnqweno wokuphendula ukuze uxolelanise.
Yindalo, bhala ukuba kakhulu kwaye uqaphele ukuba ndingathanda ukudibana kwaye ndithethe ukuba zikhumbula zonke izinto ezintle eziphakathi kwakho (ndiyathanda ukucinga ukuba wenze njani mna. "). Ekupheleni komyalezo, shiya iqabane ithuba lokukhetha. Ungabhali apho intlanganiso yakho ifanele yenzeke phi incoko eqinisekileyo, mcele ukuba achonge ixesha nendawo kwaye akuxelele. Iingcebiso ze-psychologists yengqondo ukuba akaphenduli, afana nale meko ngokuthandabuza ukuthetha kwifowuni. Ukwazi ukuba ulinde impendulo, umntu uya kuba neziphumo ezimbini kuphela - ukuphendula okanye ukungaphenduli, ngaloo ndlela atyumke ekubeni akukho themba.
Zidwebe kunye. Umyalezo kufuneka ube yinye kuphela. Akukho mfuneko yokuba uqhubekiwe ngaphambili imiyalezo (eyayikade), iileta kunye neetelegram, ukuba iqabane aliboni intsingiselo kwincoko.
Thetha nabahlobo ababebelwe
Esi asisosisombululo esifanelekileyo, nangayiphi na imeko, kubantu abadala kunye nabantu abaqolileyo lengqondo. Sele kunesizathu sokuba axoxe ngezinto ezinqabileyo zobudlelwane bakho kunye nokungafuneki kwaye akahloniphi iqabane. Akunakulindeleka ukuba lo mntu uya konwaba, ukuba ufumanisa oyena Mhlobo ulungileyo ukuba intombazana yakhe yangaphambili iphukele kwaye iphinde ibuyele kwingxabano.
Kuya kubakho mbuzo ukuba kutheni engazange athi malunga ne-adresee, kutheni kwakuyimfuneko ukuchitha iqabane kunye nemicimbi esondeleyo. Kwaye waxelela enye nenye into awayengakufanelekeli ukuba uyazi. Nokuba kwenzeka njani ukuba intetho yakho ijongene nabahlobo abaqhelekileyo, abayi kukwazi ukuyidlulisela kumntu wakho othandekayo. Azikhathaleli nje ngamazwi kunye nezahlulo, ezibalulekileyo kuwe kunye neqabane, zinokugqwetha izibakala, zidideke into, kuba inkulu, kuba ayibalulekanga kakhulu kuwe.
Indlela yokuziphatha?
Kwintlanganiso yobuqu, ekufuneka ifanele ukuba ithathe isigqibo kumcimbi wethemba lokubuyisela ubudlelwane, kufuneka ujonge ukuphefumla. Emva kokuhlukana okufutshane okanye elide, iqabane kufuneka libone umntu omhle kwaye onomtsalane awayewathanda. Iya kuvusa iinkumbulo eziqaqambileyo nezifudumeleyo kwaye ziya kumisa bobabini incoko enobubele, ethembekileyo nenemvakalelo. Yindalo. Ukuba awuze uveze iindawo eziphakamileyo kunye neewigs, akufuneki uqale ukuyenza ngoku, iya kujongeka ngathi ihlehlule kwaye ihlekise. Yiba yeyona isondele kakhulu kumfanekiso obekho ngexesha lokuthandana kwakho.
Uncumo. Ngokulula, nokuba ngaphakathi kuyo yonke into iyanyikima, iyanyikima kwaye iyanyikima kwenye ingcinga yokuba iqabane lakhe lingavumi ukuba nolwala. Ukuchitha intlanganiso ngokuchanekileyo, sebenzisa ithuba leengcebiso ngezengqondo.
- Musa ukuzama ukubiza ububele, musa ukukuxelela ukuba akukho mntu uthandayo ukuba awunqweneli ukuba uphile ngaphandle kwakhe, ukuba ixesha lokuya lalilukhuni kuwe, njalo njalo. Nokuba yonke into ibikhona, ukwazi iqabane malunga noku akukho mfuneko. Ukuze umntu abe nomdla kwaye afuna ukusondela kwakhona, akuyomfuneko ukuba babize kuyo umnqweno wokungakukhubeli. Imfesane ibulala ezinye iimvakalelo kwaye ibe yimvakalelo yokuziva unetyala kumnxibelelanisi.
- Awudingi ukuba uqale ukufumanisa ukuba ngubani owayenetyala lokuxabana kunye nokwahlulahlula. Khusela ingcikivo ("lo ngowokuqala uyaphoswa", "Awukhangeli ixesha elininzi"). Ngoku akukho mahluko ubeka ityala. Kuya kufuneka uthathe isigqibo sokuba uza kwenza ntoni.
- Sukuzama ukufaka i-blackmail ebantwaneni, ezemali, iimfihlakalo eziqhelekileyo. "Ukuba awuzukubuya, awuyi kubona abantwana" -Ngaba le thoni ichaza uxolelwaniso noxolelo. Le meko. Kwaye iimeko azinamkeleki.
- Sixelele ngento yokuba uhlaziye ixabiso lolwalamano lwakho olikhumbule konke okuhle nokukulungele ukuxoxa ngeemeko eziya kulungiselela zombini. Kwangelo xesha, zama ukwenza ukuba ungabuzi kwaye ungangeni kwithoni, kungenjalo iqabane linokubeka iimeko ezininzi. Ungavumelani nonke. Bafanele ukuba nengqiqo kwaye kufanelekile.
Ukuba uziva ngathi iqabane lagqiba kwelokuba lixhase, lalisa incoko kwaye lihambe-olu asilo thando, kodwa umxokelelwane we-cynical ngohlobo olungalunganga.
Kwaye ekugqibeleni, ndingathanda ukuthi ukuqwalaselwa ngokukodwa kufuneka kuhlawulwe kwisigqibo semibuzo elandelayo, ukuba usenza isigqibo sokudibana kwakhona, Emva kwayo yonke loo nto, kungekudala othatha isigqibo, kuya kuba lula ukuqala ubomi ngalo mntu:
- Nokuba isahlulelo sivumile kwinkcazo yakho;
- Manyathelo mani anika ngamnye kuni ukuze abuyisele ubudlelwane;
- Ngaba unokholo ngokwaneleyo omnye komnye;
- Yintoni eza kuzisa umvumelwano phakathi;
- Ukususela ngoku ukuya phambili, uya kusombulula iimeko zoxinzelelo xa kusenzeka (kwaye kuya kwenzeka kungekudala okanye kamva ekuhlawuleni).
I-Psychologlogy ayinakho ukunika iresiphi elungiselelwe i-recied yolonwabo lobuqu. Kuninzi kuxhomekeke kwi-numes kunye neemeko ezikhonjiso, ebantwini, isimilo sabo kunye nemikhwa kunye nemibono yobomi. Amathuba owonwabileyo kumdlalo wesibini (wesithathu kwaye njalo) amenzeli izibini ezilandela oku kulandelayo:
- Sifumana iimvakalelo ezihambelanayo, zihlonele izinto kunye neemvakalelo zomnye;
- Uqulunqeni ngokwahlukeneyo ubudlelwane bube nolwalamano, musa ukuyenza ngenxa yobume obubanzi okanye izinto eziguqukayo;
- ilungele ukutshintsha, ukulalanisa;
- Ndizimisele ukugcina eli qabane kwizithembiso zoxolelwaniso.
Ukuba incoko ayizange ifumane isithsaba, kwacaca ukuba iqabane lakho lokubuyisela ubudlelwane azange zivume, kungangcono kuwe ngcono. Ngoku uyazi kakuhle into ayifunayo ngale nto, ekugqibeleni ikhululekile kwaye ikhululekile ukuba isebenze ubomi bakho obutsha, kuthathelwa ingqalelo amava amava.
Kodwa eyona nto iphambili- wenze yonke into evela kuwe ixhomekeke ekubeni igcine umanyano lwakho. Ukuba oku akwenzeki, mhlawumbi ayikho konke kuwe, kwaye hayi kwiqabane. Lixesha lokuba ushiye ixesha elidlulileyo ngaphambili kwaye uqalise ukuphila ngekamva. Ngokuqinisekileyo iya konwaba.
