Idilesi yomfazi wakhe kunye nomhlobo weqabane ngulwahlulelo. Akapheli-imeko oyithandayo yomlawuli, kodwa ikwayinyani ngokuqinisekileyo, kuba, ngokwemifanekiso, njengesithandwa (isigxina okanye ngaxeshanye), abafazi bahlala bekukhetha umhlobo womyeni wakhe. Iinkokheli eziphakathi kwabathanda abafazi abatshatileyo, ewe, ngoogxa bakhe basebenza (ukuya kuthi ga kwi-35% yobuncwane babasetyhini), kodwa nakwisabelo se-Auderter enabahlobo be-Rumer i-22%. Kule meko, abantu abathathu beza kwimeko enzima - umyeni, umfazi kunye nomhlobo. Wonke umntu ulahleka ngaphezulu kokufumana, kodwa eyona nto inzima, yeyona nto inzima, yeyona nto inzima, indoda yakhe, ngenxa yokuba ichithwe kabini. Kweli nqaku siza kuqwalasela iimpawu kunye nezizathu zokungcakanya kwakhe kwaye ukukuxelela ukuba kufanelekile ukuba uxolelene kwaye uyenza njani, ukuba kwenzeke.
Oonobangela
Kunzima ukutsho ukuba umntu kuya kuba nzima ngakumbi - ukuxolela umfazi otshintshile, okanye oxolela umhlobo. Kwakuyimfuneko kangangokuba ubuhlobo bamadoda buhlala buxabiseke ngakumbi kunebhinqileyo, kwaye ukungcatshwa komhlobo kwindoda kunokuba yinto ebuhlungu ngakumbi kuneqabane lomlingane. Umhlaba wendoda yakhe uphila ngokoqobo, kuba unenkohliso yokuba unokuzithemba ngakumbi kuyo yonke into ayinakuba ngumntu - akukho kubahlobo okanye abafazi.
Inkosikazi yakhe, imeko inokukhulisa ngokwahlukileyo -Okuxhomekeke kumgangatho weemvakalelo zakhe kwiqabane elisemthethweni kunye neqabane lakhe. Ngomhlobo ongcono, ukuvutha komsindo kunokwenzeka, kungenzeka ukuba kubekho ubuhlobo, nokuba iminyaka mingaphi ye-bilygamous-bioglecumous ye-biodumous yesondo ayinakwenzeka kwintsimi enye, kwaye ke unxibelelwano oluthe kratya luya kuba lungenakwenzeka .
Iqabane lakho elikhohlisiweyo, kwakamsinya nje ukuba iintlungu zokuqala ezibukhali kunye nequbuliso ziya kuthatha uhlalutyo lwangaphakathi lwezizathu zokuba umntu athembeke agqibe kwelokuba athathe isigqibo sokuthembeka kwakhe agqibe kwelokuba athathe isigqibo sokuthembeka kwakhe esithambekele isigqibo sesenzo sakhe. Kwangelo xesha, phantse phantse isenzo somhlobo-uyaqonda ukuba kukho iimeko xa ivuliwe kwaye ingayisebenzisi ngaphezulu kwemikhosi yamadoda. Kodwa akanakuqonda ukuba kutheni umhlobo engalikhumbuli ityala lakhe phambi kwakhe.
Umfazi oguqula umyeni wakhe kunye nomhlobo wakhe, okanye intombi etshintshe le ndoda neqabane lakhe kunye nomhlala-phantsi ngequbuliso ushiya umhlobo wakhe okhulileyo kumhlobo wesikolo, kuyinyani. Kwaye umfazi uhlala enengqiqo yokuzala.
Ingcali yezentlalo nezentlalo kunye noMongameli woMbutho wezoBuncwane beRussian Federation, u-Andreyi Zaitsev, owathi, ngelishwa, wayehlala efundisisa inkqubela phambili yomtshato eRussia, ngelishwa, wasweleka ngo-2015. Wazama ukufumana izizathu ezinzulu zokubangela amadoda nabafazi bangathembeki. Izifundo ezininzi ezenziwayo awayezichithe zabonisa ukuba zicinga, ukuya kuthi ga kwi-59% yabameli besini esihle sitshintshe ngokwengqondo. Xa uqhelisela, le yenza malunga ne-25% yamanenekazi. Kwangelo xesha, owona mbuso uhlala ulahlwa (80%), engaphantsi kakhulu, unxibelelwano olusenyongweni esondeleyo nomthandi.
Kutheni le nto umhlobo womyeni wam? Kuba Kwenzeka rhoqo kunamanye amadoda kwinkampani enye nabantu abatshatileyo, kuba ubuhlobo obude kwaye bubuhlungu, abantu bahlala bezihlobo " Kuba uphilile umntwana oqhelekileyo kwaye unezinto ezininzi eziqhelekileyo. Ngamanye amaxesha umfazi wade wacebisa ngoyena mhlobo ulungileyo weqabane lakhe - okokuqala malunga nento oza kuyithenga umyeni wakhe njengesipho, emva koko anengxaki yosapho, wacela iBhunga. Kaninzi ukungcatsha okunjalo kwenzeka ngokwasemthethweni, phantsi kwempembelelo yemeko, ayicwangciswanga - kusela kakhulu kwiimeko ezithile ezinzima okanye ezimbi, njl.
Isizathu esivakalayo esiqhelekileyo sisithukuthezi -Umfazi unexesha elininzi lamahala, kwaye ubudlelwane nomyeni wakhe baqala ukuphelisa, kwabakho imvakalelo engathethekiyo, kwakungekho ntetho ibingasekho kwabo balahlekelwe yingqungquthela, bafumene ingqumbo kwiminyaka edlulileyo. Ukuba, kwangaxeshanye, comrade muga uqhekeze ngakumbi kunendoda ngokwakhe, ayikude nengxaki, ngakumbi kuba umyeni usoloko ekulungele ukumamela umfazi, kwaye umhlobo uhlala elungele ukumamela umfazi, ngakumbi ukuba uyithanda.
Omnye umbuzo kutheni abafazi babahlobo bahlala bebonakala ngathi banomtsalane kunezabo? Kunzima ukuyichaza le nto, ngokufuthi - isizathu esikumnqweno wokufumana i-adrenaline, njengomntu, ngaphandle kweqabane layo elisemthethweni, kunye nembambano yendalo yamadoda abafazi. Nokuba sithetha njani malunga nokwazi kunye nokuchasana nomntu kwindalo, izenzo kunye nezenzo zabantu zihlala zichukunyiswa yimithetho yakudala yelilungu lezilwanyana. Kwaye awuyi kushiya naphi na.
Kwibhinqa ukuze ingqomo, ngokweengcali zezentlalo kunye neengcali zengqondo, kukho ezinye izizathu:
- ukungoneliseki ngumgangatho okanye inani lesondo emtshatweni;
- ukuvukela ukuvutha ngumsindo - isipili sokuziphindezela komyeni wakhe ngempatho efanayo;
- ukuzithemba, ukwanda kokuzithemba;
- Ukunqongophala kwemidla eqhelekileyo, injongo efanayo neqabane lakhe;
- Iimvakalelo zokwenyani zokwenyani.
Kuya kufuneka kuqatshelwe ukuba ngokwenene bayathandana nomhlobo womyeni wakhe kungenjalo rhoqo. Kodwa ukuba oku kuyenzeka, emva koko ukunqanda ibhinqa ukusuka ekuweni kosapho alusenakwenzeka. Ngamanye amaxesha, abafazi ababotshelelwe kwikhaya lenza ukuba baziva beziva benetyala kwaye abanakulungela uqhawulo-mtshato.
Izinto zomngcipheko apho umntu afanele anikele ingqalelo kuyo. Rhoqo kunabanye, abafazi batshintsha abayeni babo abafumene inqanaba eliphezulu lemfundo kunelinye iqabane elifumana umyeni wakhe, kunye nabo bajongana nokunganyangeka kwakhe, ngenxa yezomthetho yabo Umlingane.
Ingozi yomsindo onjalo icacile: Kuyo phambi kolwaphulo-mthetho-isandla sefayile. Kwimeko yempembelelo eyomeleleyo, indoda inokujongana nenye, kunye nenkosikazi yakhe, ehlala yenzeka.
Kwenziwe ntoni?
Into eninzi yendoda kunye nabanye abaThengi abaThengi be-Akrester bafumaneka njani nangaphantsi kwaziphi na iimeko. Eyona meko iyingozi - umyeni wabuya ngaphambi kwexesha kwaye wafumana umfazi wakhe nomhlobo wakhe kwindawo engathandabuzekiyo. Kukweemeko ezinjalo zokubulawa kwabantu rhoqo.
Ukuba kwangaxeshanye umntu akwazi ukujamelana nomnqweno wokuyibamba imithendeleko kunye nezembe, emva koko uyakushiya indlu ngokukhawuleza okanye indawo awayeyifumana kuwo abathandi. Nokuba ungagungqi, okanye uzame ukuqonda okwenzekayo akufanelanga. Ngayiphi na imeko, hayi ngoku.
Ukuba umyeni akazange abone impindezelo, kodwa ulwazi lufikelele kulo kwaye lungqine kwaye luqinisekisiwe, kodwa apha uqikelelo luthando luhle kakhulu. Indoda eyakhohlisayo, kwakhona, ayikhuthazwanga ngokukhawuleza ilingo.
Izisombululo ezibalulekileyo azikaze zamkelwe "kwintloko eshushu". Kungcono ukuya esithunzini sethutyana kwaye uzola ngokwakho, phendula yonke imibuzo yakho. Ungahlala kwi-cottage, komnye umhlobo, endlwini yomzali, kwimeko egqithisileyo, ehotele. Iiveki ezimbalwa zezona zifunwayo ukuba zingakwenzi ubudenge.
Ekuqaleni kuya kubakho ukuphikiswa, ukungafuni ukuthabatha inyani yile. Emva koko inqanaba lokuqhankqalaza liya kuqalisa - kubalulekile ukuba sikwazi ukujongana nalo mgangatho. Vumela umntu onokuthi ayeke kwizenzo ezichaseneyo-uMzalwana, ummelwane, ummelwane, osebenza naye emsebenzini.
Kuphela kuxa kuziwa ekuqondeni ukuba yonke into iyinyani, ukuba injalo kwaye ayizukuya naphi na, kufuneka uthathe isigqibo sokuba enze ntoni ngokulandelayo.
Abahlobo abangafanelekanga baya kucebisa ukuba baxolelwe umfazi wakhe. Oku, ekuqondeni uninzi lwamadoda, ayamkelekanga. Kodwa kuya kubakho ubunzima beengcebiso malunga nendlela enesibindi nengqumbo yokujongana nomhlobo wangaphambili. Ingaba le yinto ofuna ukuyiva? Ubukhulu becala hayi. Ukuba uya kwi-psychologist okanye i-psychotherapist - amandla angaphezulu, kuya kufuneka uthathe isigqibo ngokwakho.
Zama ukutshisa, jonga le meko kwinxalenye, egameni lomthathi-nxaxheba ngamnye. Nikezela intlanganiso kumfazi wam - kufuneka uthethe, nokuba yintsapho ongazimiselanga kusindisa. Ngaba uyadibana nomhlobo? Unokuthatha isigqibo, kodwa akunakwenzeka ukuba athethe into eyasekuqaleni, uninzi lwamaqabane abanjiwe kwi-AJULITER baqala ukutshintsha ityala lakhe, kwaye ngamanye amaxesha baya kumbuyisela umntu ophumeleleyo ISoviet xa le ntokazi yazikhetha kwiqabane lakhe. Ukuba isidingo sokuthetha nomhlobo wangaphambili sithi, yitsho, kodwa akukho kwimeko apho kungekho mntu wazama ukulwa okanye ukubulawa kwabantu. Ithoni eyolileyo kuphela, ngaphandle kwezityholo.
Kubalulekile ukuzama ukuzama kunye nenkosikazi yam, malunga nokuba yeyiphi yonke into eyenzekileyo. Ukuba indoda ngokwayo iyenza ngokungalingani ngqo iimeko eziyintlekele, kufanele ukuba zithembeke kwaye ziyayivuma ekuhleni. Ukuthuka okanye ukubetha umfazi - ngezantsi kwesidima sendoda yokwenene, kwaye ke akufanelekanga ukuhla kwinqanaba lemida.
Emva kwencoko yokuqala, iya kucaca ukuba kufanelekile ukuba sixolele iqabane kwaye sigcine usapho okanye siya kuba ngcono kuye wonke umntu ukuba isibini sibaphanzisile.
Ngaba kufuneka ndixole kwaye ndingayenza njani?
Ngaba ndingamxolela umfazi wakho kule meko? Ingaba. Ngaba kunokwenzeka ukugcina usapho? Unako. Kodwa kuya kufuneka uqonde ngokucacileyo ukuba iyimfuneko. Inyani yile yokuba uxolelo ngokwalo alikho ngephanyazo, alikho kwangoko, liyeza ngokuthe ngcembe, kuye kwafuneka "liphile." Ukuba umfazi uyala incoko, ufuna uqhawulo-mtshato, akufuneki uhlaziswe. Ayikufanelanga ukuba inyanzelise ukuba anyathele ukuba ixolelwe kakhulu. I-Reshos kumadolo omfazi onesidima - ingqondo yengqondo.
Ukuba umfazi ulungiselelwe ukugcina usapho, thatha ixesha ngokucinga, ungangxami. Ukongeza kwisenzo esingathandekiyo nesomeleleyo, inkosikazi isabalulekile: uyindoda elungileyo, umama obalaseleyo, iqabane elikhathalelayo. Oku ngamanye amaxesha kunokwala umsindo. Qwalasela isibakala sokuba yena ngokwakhe esothusa ngezenzo. Ngaba unelungelo lokwenza impazamo? Kwaye wena? Ukuba ungumntu onengqondo kwaye uqonde ukuba bonke abantu banelungelo lokwenza impazamo, lixesha lokuphendula umbuzo, ukuba uyamxolela.
Akukho mntu emhlabeni unyanzelekile ukuba ahlangane nolindelo lomntu. Kwenzeke into eyenzekileyo. Kwaye uthathe okanye hayi-sisigqibo sakho kuphela.
Amadoda ahlala exhomekeke kwizimvo zikawonke-wonke, kwaye ngaphezulu kommeli we-gestic ebuthathaka. Bakhathazeka malunga nezinto abaza kuthetha nabahlobo kunye neqabane, izalamane nabamelwane, ukuba inyani yokuvutha komntu amaqabane kunye nomhlobo sele sele eyindawo yoluntu. Kwaye kunokwenzeka ukuba athi, Uya kuthi- I-Podkinnik kunye nendoda echanekileyo yokutoncina, xa sele ekwazi ukuhlala kwaye ehlala nalo mfazi. Kuyimfuneko ukuba uphendule ngokunyaniseka umbuzo - oko kubiza kakhulu: uluvo loluntu okanye ubudlelwane kunye nomfazi othile. Ukuba okwesibini, akufuneki ujonge ezinye.
Ukuba yonke into engaphakathi ichasa umbono wokuya ebhedini enye kunye nalo mfazi ebhedini enye, hlala kwitafile enye, emva koko ungabuyisi kubudlelwane. Ukuba kukho umnqweno wokugcina usapho- sebenzela ngenkalipho. Ukuxolelwa kwimeko enjalo kufuna indoda enesibindi esikhulu kunye nesisa, uthando olukhulu kwintsapho yakhe, kumfazi wakhe.
Khumbula ukuba ndibekhona, ngekhe ubuye kwesi sihloko. Ndikunye nomhlobo, kuya kufuneka ukwahlukana nobuhlobo kuphela, kodwa nobudlelwane beshishini ukuba babenjalo. Kodwa umfazi womfazi wakhe, ngokuchaseneyo, kuya kufuneka ulungelelanise. Kwaye kunye ngokukodwa, ngokudibeneyo ngokwenza "sebenza ngeempazamo".
Iluncedo kakhulu kweli nqanaba le ndlela icetywayo ngu-Abraham Harold Maslow - Ugqirha wezengqondo waseMelika kunye nomsunguli wesikolo sengqondo yengqondo yengqondo. Ucebise ngokutshintsha ingcinga enye engalunganga kwiintshukumo ezimbini eziluncedo kunye neziyilayo. Indlela ibizwa ngokuba yisenzo esisebenzayo, isetyenziswa ngokubanzi kwilahleko yengqondo yengqondo, ukukhathazeka kunye nezinye iingxaki ezibuhlungu kakhulu.
Isebenza njani: kusasa, umyeni wakhe wakhumbula isenzo esingathandekiyo somfazi wakhe ngesidlo sakusasa, waphosa igama elibuhlungu. Ukulandela oku, kufuneka enze imicimbi emibini yokwenyani, umzekelo, ancede ummelwane kwigaraji ukuba atshintshe i-Starter kwimoto ikhululwe ngokupheleleyo, kwaye anike uncedo ekupeyisweni kweendonga zokupeyinta kwigumbi lokugcina. Kwisenzo ngasinye esingalunganga kufuneka siphikise. Ngokuthe ngcembe, iinkumbulo ezingathandekiyo zisusiwe kwimemori. Ukulityalwa kakuhle, ngokwemvelo, akuyi kusebenza, kodwa kukuphazamisa ubunzima babo kuyanceda.
Umfazi akadingi ukuthoba, abeke imiqathango yakhe kuye, ukuba ayilawule ngokupheleleyo kwaye akrokrela kumntu omdala kubuncwane. Ukukhulula-nendlela elungileyo yokuqhawula umtshato. Zama ukuqonda nokuhlonipha njengomntu njengeqabane lakho, njengabamama babantwana bakho.
Kuya kuba nzima ukumisela abafowunelwa ngokwesini-kunye nokwenziwa kwetyala lomtshato, ubunzima bezobuchwephesha bunokwenzeka. Ukuba emva kweenyanga ezintandathu emva kokuvukela, akunakwenzeka ukuba sibenzele ubomi obusenyongweni nenkosikazi yakhe, kuyimfuneko ukuba baphendukele kwi-psychotherapist - amazwe ahlaziyiweyo yi-hypnotherapy kunye nezinye iindlela.
Thintela umbuso
Ukuba unethamsanqa elinethamsanqa ukuba nobomi kunye nenkosikazi entle, kunye nomhlobo ongcono, ubakhathalele kwaye uzame ukugcina ubudlelwane phakathi kwabo bonke kwinqanaba elifanelekileyo. Kubalulekile kwasekuqalekeni ukumisela imida ivumele umhlobo wakho kwaye amaqabane-iintlanganiso zawo ngaphandle kobukho bakho, enyanisweni, akadingi mntu. Ukuba, ewe, ufumene esibhedlele, kwaye bobabini batyelela isigulana, oku kuchazwa.
Zama ukuba kufutshane neqabane lakho, hlala ugcina umbono wakhe kwiimbambano ngoyena Mhlobo ulungileyo, "Dlala ngaphandle" kuye. Ukuba umntu obhinqileyo uziva exhasa umyeni wakhe, kunzima ukuba akhanyiswe kumhlobo wakhe. Ewe, kwaye ukukoya ngokwakhe kuya kukhankanya ngokukhawuleza ukuba le ntsimi yi "cala" kuye.
Yenza isigqibo ngeengxaki zakho zomfazi wakho, hayi nomhlobo, musa ukuxoxa ngaye nomhlobo wakhe. Kwingxabano kubhetele ukujongana naye, yiphulaphule kwaye ungayi kwincoko, kungenjalo uya kufumana "iindlebe ezikhululekileyo" ebusweni bomhlobo wakho osenyongweni.
Ziphathe kakuhle kwiiholide ezidibeneyo, ngakumbi ukuba zidlula emva kwetafile okanye kwindalo ene-noty scort. Musa ukuxabana nenkosikazi yam emva kweglasi yotywala, ungayi yedwa ixesha elide, musa ukwenzakalisa, ngakumbi nabahlobo, ukuze uqalise ukumchaza uvelwano. Ngomhlaba othandekayo, imbewu yomkhosi ikhula ngokukhawuleza.
Zama ukuthemba, kwaye ubabonise- kubalulekile ukuba i-comrade ikwintsapho yakho, kwaye iqabane lakhe laziva luxanduva lokuqinisekisa kubo.
Malunga nezizathu zokuvutha kwenkosikazi yakhe kunye nomhlobo womyeni wakhe, bona ividiyo elandelayo.