Ubudlelwane bosapho buyinto enzima apho yonke ize-psychologist iyakwazi ukuqonda rhoqo. Apha kufuneka uhlalutye hayi kuphela iimeko ezaziphakama nangayiphi na indlela yeengxaki phakathi kwendoda nomfazi, kodwa yonke imbali yolwalamano lwabo. Kwaye kuya kufuneka uqale, kakhulu, kuba ixesha lokuthandana. Iingcambu zihlala zisolula apho. Kwaqala ukudala ngokungachanekanga ubudlelwane babo kwinqanaba lokuqala lokuveliswa kosapho- kwaye ngoku ndivune iziqhamo.
Buyintoni ubudlelwane entsatsheni kusapho?
Isiseko salo naluphi na ubudlelwane obunempilo obunempilo kukuthemba, ukunyaniseka, ukuhloniphana. Iqaqambe ezi mpawu okanye ukungabikho kwabo kubonakaliswa kusapho - ngaphandle kwazo akuyi kuhlala ixesha elide. Ewe, abantu abancinci bayamamela uthando. Ukuba uthando lwabo luthintelweni kwaye lungabikho meko, ke iya kuba yeyona nto iphambili ebonisa usapho kunye nokunceda ukuya naluphi na uvavanyo.
Iindidi kunye neempawu zazo
I-Psychologlogy yoBudlelwane bosapho inikezela ezi ntlobo ziphambili zoBudlelwane boSapho:
- Ubudlelwane -Basenokubizwa ngokuba yintsebenziswano xa ubudlelwane bayokhekhe buyakhiwe. Eyona nto ilungileyo kwaye igcinwe kakhulu ngobudlelwane.
- Ukhuphiswano -Indlela esempilweni ngokupheleleyo yolwalamano, xa amaqabane akhuphisana ekufezekiseni iinjongo eziqhelekileyo, ngokuxhomekeka kulondolozo phakathi kwabo. Kwimeko echaseneyo inokukhula ibe yimbambano.
- Ukhuphiswano -Xazinzisa kumnqweno wamaqabane olawula omnye komnye. Kolu hlobo lolwalamano, amaqabane kunzima ukuza kuluvo oluqhelekileyo malunga nezinto onomdla kuzo, endaweni yoko, wonke umntu uzinyamekela ezabo. Iyayithoba kakhulu umanyano losapho.
- Intsholongwane - Inkcaso yamahlakani, ekhulayo kubudlelwane bokhuphiswano. Intsapho enjalo igcinwa kuphela ngenxa yezizathu ezingaphandle ezinzima, eyona nto ingangaphakathi yenye engathethekiyo, ubudlelwane buya kwi-upuptu.
Ukongeza kwiintlobo zeentlobo zeklasi yolwalamano lwangaphakathi, usapho lukwabudlelwane olusekwe kumdlalo kwikhwele, cwaka, umzila. I-Molchanka ilapho apho konke ukungaphumeleli ngokunyaniseka kuthule ngenkuthalo kuphela ngenxa yolondolozo lolondolozo. Kukho iimeko apho iintsapho zikhona phantsi kwesivumelwano.
Ubudlelwane obusekwe kumgaqo onokwahluka. Omnye wabatshati unokufuna ukhuseleko okanye adlale indima kaMsindisi, ukungenisa okanye umgwebi. Kwaye kaninzi kulwalamano lolu hlobo lomyeni ngowomfazi wakhe, njengomgcini wendlu okanye umgcini wendlu.
Kubudlelwane obuphantsi kwemvumelwano yokulawula, okokuqala, ukubalwa kwezinto ezibonakalayo okanye zokuziphatha. Le mitshato isekwe kwisivumelwano somlomo okanye esibhaliweyo.
Oonobangela beengxaki
Iingxaki zosapho zihlala zivela kwezi zizathu zilandelayo.
- Ulindelo olungafunekiyo kunye nelinye icala okanye kumacala omabini (rhoqo ngesicwangciso sezinto ezibonakalayo, ngamanye amaxesha ngokomoya). Kwintsapho enjalo, umntu ovela kumaqabane ajongene nomsebenzi omnye kuxanduva lokubonelela usapho. Uye wacinga ukuba isiqingatha sabo siya kubenza babe nesityebi semali: Nikeza izinto, izindlu, amandla okuhamba njalo njalo.
- Ukuphikisana kwezimvo kulawulo loqoqosho. Umzekelo, indoda ilinde, njengakwintsapho yakhe yomzali, umfazi uya kumkhonza ekhitshini, kwaye yena, amjonga ehile, emnike ukuba azinyamekele.
- Iimbono ezichaseneyo malunga nokukhuliswa kwabantwana. Umzekelo, kusapho lwakwintsapho, abazali bamkelwe ukuba bahambe nomntwana, kwaye umyeni wakhe ukholelwa ukuba le kukukhathalelwa kukamama. Oku kunokubangela ukungaqondani kwisibini somtshato.
- I-Rutin, ukunqongophala kwezithethe zosapho. Kwenzeka ukuba kusapho lomlingane omnye wabatshatise ukubhiyozela iiholide ezithile, ukubazipha ngendlela ekhethekileyo, kunye nesiqingatha sesibini, ezi zithethe zingamkelekanga. Umzekelo: Umlingane usetyenziselwa ukubhiyozela iiholide kwindawo yokutyela nabahlobo kwinkampani enengxolo, kwaye umfazi uthanda ukubhiyozela isangqa sentsapho. Izinto ezingabhalwanga, ngenxa yolwalamano olona nzi luchithiwe, ziingxaki ze-monotony nekhaya.
- Isizathu sengxaki sinokuchazwa yinyani yokuba iimvakalelo zamaqabane zipholile. Oku kunokuba yenzeka xa ubudlelwane bayoza ngenkxaso kwizinto zangaphandle: imbonakalo entle, ukhuseleko oluhle. Ukuba kubudlelwane bokomoya inkxaso yokomoya bokomoya (akukho mdla oqhelekileyo, izinto zokuzonwabisa, ii-fridviws), xa iimvakalelo zokuqala ezikhanyayo zipholile.
- Imozulu yengqondo kusapho Kuxhomekeka kwiinkalo zemvakalelo zamaqabane, umahluko kwi-addraument. Ukuba omnye wabatshati unemilinganiselo kwaye ulungelelene, kwaye omnye uphendula ngokucokisekileyo kuwo nawuphi na umkhondo, emva koko okokuqala unokudinwa ngokukhawuleza kukungafani ngokweemvakalelo kumzuzwana.
- Ngamanye amaxesha ukuphazamiseka kubudlelwane kuyenzeka emva kokuzalwa komntwana entsatsheni. Ulwalamano olubandayo phakathi kwamaqabane aluveli ngenxa yokuba umama oselula wazinikela ngokupheleleyo ekukhathaleni umntwana enyamekela umntwana kwaye ehlawula umyeni wakhe. Okanye umyeni utshintsha ngokupheleleyo uxanduva kumfazi wakhe, ngenxa yoko akanalo ixesha elishiywe okanye umyeni wakhe.
Ukuqonda kobunzima kubudlelwane bosapho kujolise ekuchongeni ufakelo lwentshabalalo olunxulumene nendlela yonxibelelwano kunye neendlela zokwenza iimvakalelo zabantwana, kunye nendlela yokuzonwabisa yosapho, kunye Inoxanduva lokufumana inkxaso yezinto ezibonakalayo zosapho. Kwaye omnye umzuzu obaluleke ngakumbi kwizihlomelo zosapho lisakhono samahlakani ukuze sithathe omnye komnye.
Ungayimisa njani?
Ukubuyisela imeko-moya engalunganga phakathi kwamalungu osapho kuya kunceda ezi zinto zilandelayo.
- Okokuqala kufuneka uhlengahlengise isimo sakho sengqondo ngomtshato: Ukuba ngumrhumo okanye umtshato wakho phantsi kwemvumelwano, kuya kufuneka ulinde iimvakalelo ezinzulu kunye nokuzinikezela kwiqabane. Zama ngokudibeneyo kunye nokulungisa ikhontrakthi yakho kwizibonelelo ngokubanzi.
- Ilungile: Ngoobani kuni owobulala kuye inqaku eliphambili lomsebenzi wasekhaya, onoxanduva lokuxhasa izinto ezibonakalayo. Ukuze amaqabane aqonde ukuba eqondana, kuyafuneka ukuba asasaze iindima, enze isigqibo sokuba ngubani apho indawo yokuhlala yekhaya kunye nezemali inoxanduva lwezemali.
- Vumela isiqingatha sakho ukuba senze into oyithandayo, into oyithandayo. Musa ukusihlutha amathuba akhe ngamanye amaxesha - Lo ngumnqweno oqhelekileyo. Kwaye makade kwaye ngamanye amaxesha umhlala phantsi.
- Ukuxolela ukumamela iqabane, kumvumela ukuba axelele ngento ebalulekileyo okanye eboniswe. Unxibelelwano lokomoya olunyanisekayo luya kunceda ukunyibilikisa ukungaqondi kakuhle phakathi kwakho.
- Ngamanye amaxesha zibeka endaweni yendoda okanye inkosikazi yakhe - iya kukunceda ukuba uyiqonde ngakumbi kwaye uyithathele ingqalelo.
- Khumbula iimfuno zakho. SUKUFUNA IINGUMELWANO ZAKHO ZOKUZIPHATHA NGOKULULA. Ukungoneliseki kunokukhokelela kuxinzelelo okanye ukucaphuka.
- Cwangcisa ukuphumla okwabelwana ngawo, qala amasiko osapho. Oku kuyakunceda ukugcina ubudlelwane obunyanzelekileyo kungekuphela nje phakathi kwendoda nomfazi, kodwa naphakathi kwabazali nabantwana.
Indoda ifanele iwuphathe njani umfazi wayo?
Indoda kufuneka ihlale ikhumbula ukuba phambi komfazi. Kwaye ngaphandle kwento yokuba isebenza phezu kwakhe okanye yenza imisebenzi yabantu, emphefumlweni ihlala ibuthathaka kwaye isesichengeni, kwaye umsebenzi oyintu kukukhusela olu hlaselo. Inokuba "nzulu kakhulu" kwaye isenokuyeka ukuziva ubutshabhisi bakhe, kodwa ngenxa yolonwabo loSapho kufanelekile.
- Ihlala rhoqo kumagama ayo, kuphela mababenze ngokunyaniseka, bokwenyani. Sukuzibamba imvakalelo yakho ethambileyo ngelixa zinjalo. Musa ukoyika ukuchitha ngokwakho. Uthando lunepropathi yolonwabo-unike i-spark yobushushu, kwaye uphendule idangatye lothando. Oko kukuthi, abafazi baziva beyimbonakaliso yeemvakalelo zokwenyani kwaye bahlala kubo.
- Ngenxa yesizathu esinye sokuba umfazi wakho ngokuyintloko ungumfazi, cebisa ukuba athathe inxaxheba. Ungahamba nomntwana ngelixa ilawulwa ngemisebenzi yasekhaya, uthenge iimveliso ecaleni kwendlela, pheka isidlo sakusasa, susa ngetafile okanye enye into, kuxhomekeke kwimpazamo yosapho lwakho.
- Mamela imeko yengqondo yeehafu zam: Mhlawumbi ufuna ukuba yedwa okanye, ngokuchasene noko, akwanelanga ndawonye.
- Kanye rhoqo uzibeka kwimeko yomlingane. Ukujonga imeko ecaleni, inokuthathwa kakuhle kwaye ibone into engaboniyo kwisikhundla sakhe.
Ungawutshintsha njani umfazi?
Ilizwe lanamhlanje aliqhelekanga xa ibhinqa lithatha iindima ezingamadoda: ilawula umbutho, ilawula indlu yasekhaya, ilawula umyeni wakhe. Amadoda amaninzi azama ukugcina okanye aphumelele imisebenzi yakhe kunye neengxabano zivame ngokusesi sisiseko.
Ke ngoko, ukugcina ukuvumelana nobudlelwane bosapho, into yokuqala ayimfuneko kumfazi - ukutshintsha iindima zabo ngendoda kubafazi.
- Umyeni wam makaninike, hayi uphuqho.
- Hlaziya isimo sakho sengqondo malunga nekhaya-Ukucoceka kwendlu kukuphambuka kwabasetyhini, kwaye ukulungiswa kunye nemvume ifuna amandla amadoda.
- Zikhathalele, nokuba kukwikhefu lokuya kubeleka. Amadoda enza ubuhle.
Ngokubanzi, abafazi kufuneka bafunde ngakumbi ukuba bayamthemba umyeni wabo. Mayithathe inxaxheba ekukhuliseni abantwana. Ungathandabuzi ukuba ungumntu onengqondo-uya kujamelana nako konke, umphathisile.
Makasombulule imiba yobomi bosapho kunye nemiba yokuzonwabisa. Nokuba kubonakala ngathi uya kuyenza yonke into ephosakeleyo. Ngapha koko, usapho lwendoda, njengawe, yindawo ofuna ukuyibonisa, yenza into entsha, uze nento eluncedo kuwe.
Funda ukuqonda imvakalelo yeqabane lakho kwaye ungavumeli ukuba umntu wakhe makatshintshe kwaye uye kwintlanzi. Sukuzikhanyela kwimidla yakho enempilo kunye nezinto zokuzonwabisa.
Intsapho iqulethe iihalves ezimbini ukuze onke amaqabane avakalelwe ngokupheleleyo kwaye afikelele kuyo.
Iimpazamo
Impazamo yoSapho rhoqo-uxanduva lokutshintsha iqabane okanye kwiimeko. Iqabane alifuni kuyazi impazamo yakhe, kodwa, lisebenzisana, ligxininisa iimpazamo zeqabane lakhe.
Khawuqwalasele ezinye iimpazamo.
- Ukunqongophala kokuthotyelwa phakathi kwamaqabane. Ukuba unyanzelisa kuphela ngokwakho - ayiyi kunceda ekusombululeni umba, kodwa iya kwandisa umgama phakathi kwakho.
- Ukuzincama kwiqabane, umsebenzi, abantwana. Xa umntu ebingelela, umzisa ulwaneliseko lwethutyana ngemfuno yokwamkelwa. Kwaye xa ukuvunywa kuyakwazi ukugqitha - ukungoneliseki kuya.
- Incwadana yemigaqo kuphela yendlela. Impazamo inokuzibonakalisa zombini ngomnqweno oqhubekayo wokufumana imali engaphezulu kunye neengcinga ezingapheliyo zomsebenzi, okukhokelela kuburharha beemvakalelo kunye noomatshini "boomatshini".
- Ukumisela iqabane lakho liya kuba neqabane lakho. Impazamo efanayo - Beach yonxibelelwano lwale mihla hayi kuphela kusapho. Isimo sengqondo esinjalo sizama ukucima ubukhulu beqabane lakho, ukulilinganisa kwimigangatho yayo.
- Impazamo etshintsha iindima: Amadoda abonisa uphando, susa uxanduva lwezinto ezibonakalayo kunye nezinto zokomoya zobomi bosapho, kunye nabasetyhini, ngokuchaseneyo, thatha olu luxanduva.
Ukuthatha umntu abemkelwe kwizigqibo ezibalulekileyo kukwindawo enesiphoso kwabo bajonga izimvo zabo eziyinyani kwaye azithathi zimvo zeqabane. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba isikhundla somntu onjalo kwincoko - yima kwindawo yokuqala (unobuchule kunabo bonke abantu).
Iingcebiso ngogqirha wezengqondo
Ngaphezulu kweengcebiso zendlela yokuchonga ubudlelwane kusapho nokuba umntu kunye nomfazi kufuneka benze le. Kodwa kule nto, umsebenzi wokuqinisa usapho akapheleli ubudlelwane obunempilo- kubanzi bokusebenza kwemihla ngemihla kwilungu ngalinye losapho. Kwabo bakulungele ukwenza imigudu yokuyilondoloza ulonwabo lwentsapho, uphawu lwemo yezulu elungileyo, efanelekileyo endlwini kunye neengcebiso malunga nokugcinwa kwayo kunikwa.
- Imvume yokuba. Lo mzekelo jikelele wehlabathi jamelana nezinto ezahlukeneyo zobudlelwane bamaqabane. Vumela intanda yakho ivakale kwaye icinga ngendlela afuna ngayo, makayenze ngayo, makayenze ngayo. Kwaye emva koko ukuphendula uya kufumana imvume yokuba - iyakwenza ukuvisisana nosapho lwakho.
- Ibhalansi yophando. Le nto kukuqhubeka kwento yangaphambili. Hlonipha iingcinga, iimvakalelo, iintshukumo zeqabane- yile nto ubudlelwane kusapho kunye nenye yeemeko zozinzo zawo.
- Xhasanani. Amagqirha amancinci: itafile enomlenze owaphukileyo awunakukwazi ukuzithemba kwaye necala lawa. Uluhlobo lolwalamano: Ngaphandle kwenkxaso kuyo nayiphi na iNkxaso kuyo nayiphi na indawo ephetheyo - umfazi okanye umyeni-uyilo-luyilo (usapho) alunanzi. Ukuxhasa iqabane lakho, unegalelo ekuthembekeni kweManyano yakho.
- Ukunyaniseka kunye nokungafihli. "Ikhaya lam yinqaba yam". Intsingiselo yeli lizwi ayisiyo kuphela ekukhuseleni kunye nenkxaso yamalungu osapho omnye komnye, kodwa nokuba kukwazi ukuvulwa, yinyani, uyintoni. Ewe kunjalo, le ayisiyomfuno isemacaleni umntu, kodwa nokukwazi ukwamkela ukunyaniseka kweqabane labo.
- Umnqweno oqhelekileyo wokuphuhlisa ubudlelwane. Ukuphuhliswa kobudlelwane buqala ngokuzikhusela. Ke ngoko, amaqabane afuna ukuvumelana entsatsheni akalindeli iqabane labo, kodwa aqala ngokwabo. Kwixesha elizayo, esinye isiqingatha siza kuzama ukuhamba naye ngendlela eya kwenza ezona mpawu zibalaseleyo.
Malunga nolwalamano olufanelekileyo phakathi kwendoda nomfazi, bona le vidiyo ilandelayo.