Mw'isi ya none, umuco wo kurazingi ntagira uruhare runini mu gushyingirwa kw'abakundana. Ariko mbere, nta uyu muhango, nta bukwe bwararenganijwe. Mubihe byashize, kurandura ni igice nyamukuru kandi cyingenzi cyo gusezerana imitima yabakundana. Uyu munsi, ababyeyi b'abashakanye barashobora kubanza guhura kandi bakamenya mubukwe gusa. Mu Burusiya, kubera umuhango wo kwangiza, umukwe yahisemo itariki runaka mugihe ushobora gusaba umugisha uturuka kumutware wawe wahisemo. Noneho, ntamuntu numwe witondera iri ngwate, kandi umunsi wumukino washyizweho cyane kuwa gatandatu cyangwa ku cyumweru.
Kugeza ubu, umuco wo kwangiza nicyo gisobanuro cyikigereranyo, ariko abashakanye benshi bagerageza kubyutsa uyu muco wa kera.
Niki?
Kureba ni umuco gakondo kuva ibihe byuburusiya bwa kera. Dukurikije imigenzo, umukwe hamwe na karusi agomba gutanga icyifuzo cyerekeye umukobwa, ubanza kubona ababyeyi be kubashakanye. Ubu buryo bubaho muburyo bwimbitse, muri bene wabo kumpande zombi, nta kwivanga nabantu batabifitiye uburenganzira.
Abakundana ubwabo ni bene wabo bava kumugeni numukwe, bahagarariye muri iki gikorwa. Gusa bene wabo magara bashyirwaho muri Stana Svatami, birashobora kuba amaraso ya maraso yumusore cyangwa Godpa. Mu bihe bikabije, abayobozi babigize umwuga batumiwe ku ruhare rw'umuhuza. Igikorwa nyamukuru cyababonwa numukwe cyatanzwe na Ward yabo kuva kuruhande rwiza. Ariko usibye ibi, bari bakeneye kumenya amakuru menshi yerekeye umuryango wumugeni, kubyerekeye intera nimico yihariye, umukobwa ashobora guceceka.
Kurandura kwa kijyambere biri kugaragara k'umukwe imbere y'ababyeyi b'umugeni ufite icyifuzo cyo gukemura ikibazo gito. Icyemezo cyawo, cyagize uruhare mukundana, ariko kugira ngo twigaragaze bene wabo b'abageni ku ruhande rwiza, nibyiza gukoresha imigenzo. By the way, muminsi yacu, umukwe ntabwo byanze bikunze aje kuri bene wabo mumukobwa we akundana nabakundana. Nyuma yigihe gito, abageni kavukire bajya murugo rwumukwe kugirango bakorere bene wabo bashya.
Imigenzo yo gufata
Mubihe bya kure bica intege byitaweho bidasanzwe. Uyu muco ni uburyo bukomeye, aho kwitegura kurangiza ubumwe. Ahanini umuhango wakorwaga kumugeni, ariko hari ibibazo umukunzi yagiye kumupfaya wumukobwa mu izina ryumukobwa we.
Nk'ukurikiza amategeko y'umukino, uwo musore yavuze ko yasanze abatoranijwe ubwe akaba ashaka kumurongora. Rimwe na rimwe, ababyeyi b'umukwe ubwabo bafashe umuhungu wabo umugeni ubereye, basobanuye ko mubyukuri uwo musore yari ageze kugira umuryango. Niba umukwe yatoranije umugeni yaguye ku mujinya, noneho umurimo wumunyamuryango uhinduka icyegeranyo kirambuye kubyerekeye umukobwa we ubwe, kubyerekeye umuryango we, hafi yinyoni ishingiyeho nibindi byinshi.
Iyo bemeza guhitamo umukobwa munzu, abahagarariye umukwe boherejwe. Niba ababyeyi batigeze bahitamo umuhungu wabo, bagiye inama kuri Swaham inararibonye. Kugira ngo iki kibazo gikemuke, yujuje ibyangombwa byujuje ibyangombwa byatanzwe n'abahagarariye imibonano mpuzabitsina mu mibonano mpuzabitsina atashyingiranywe, muri bo ushobora guhitamo.
Inzira yo gutaka ubwayo yanyuze hamwe nibice byose. Umukino wagiye munzu kumugeni, utegereje izuba. Noneho twakagombye kumenya uburenganzira bwo kwitondera ko mugihe cyo gukurikirana inzu y'abatowe, abahagarariye umukwe ntibemerewe kubona umuntu ndetse no kuganira cyane. Bitabaye ibyo, uburyo bwo kurana burashobora guhuzwa. Mbere yo kwambuka urugi rw'inzu y'umugeri w'ejo hazaza, umuhuza agomba kwishingikiriza ku muryango w'inzu.
Dukurikije imigenzo yo mu Burusiya, waldness yari ngombwa kugira ngo ikore ikirangaminsi ku minsi idasanzwe. Kurugero, mugihe cyanditse, birabujijwe rwose gusaba imigisha kubavandimwe bakundwa. Umubare wa 13, uvamo imbaraga mbi, nanone bivuga icyiciro cyiminsi yabujijwe. Abahagarariye umukwe barenze ku muryango wakundwaga mu rugo, ikintu gishimishije cyane cyatangiye. Ikiganiro kijyanye n'ubukwe buteganijwe cyatangiye kure. Kugira ngo ukore ibi, byari ngombwa kuvuga interuro yingenzi: "Ufite ibicuruzwa, dufite umucuruzi." Nubwo interuro nk'iyi yo mu Burusiya ntishobora kubona iyi formulalate niyo yashakishijwe cyane.
Mu mishyikirano hagati ya bene wabo b'ejo hazaza, umukobwa nta na bumwe agira icyo akora. Yagombaga guceceka, rimwe na rimwe ahindura imyenda yabo, ashyira ibintu byiza icyarimwe. Nibyo, kandi imisatsi kuri buri myambarire yahinduwe. Rimwe na rimwe, umuhuza wagize icyifuzo cyo kubona ubuhanga bwumugeni, kurugero, nkuko aboha cyangwa umugozi. Muri iki gihe, umukobwa yagejeje kugirango buri wese asuzume umurimo we.
Muburyo bwo gutumanaho, abavandimwe b'impande zombi bagerageje kuvuga no gusobanura gusa imico myiza mu biro byabo. Uru rutonde ntabwo rwitabiriwe gusa imico yumwuka gusa, ahubwo rwitabiriwe gusa nigice kigize. By the way, inshingano zibiri kumibereho yumuryango uzaza washizwemo burundu ibitugu byabagabo. Umukobwa yari ashinzwe gutuza, ubwiza, urugwiro, isuku no guhumurizwa nicyari cyumuryango.
Tanga igisubizo cyiza muruzinduko rwa mbere cyumukino wafatwaga nkigikorwa cyiyongera. Nubwo hari ibintu bidasanzwe, kurugero, niba umukobwa atariwe mumuryango ukize cyangwa imyaka ye yambutse imbibi zubukwe buteganijwe. Muri ibi bihe, gutegereza gusura imurwanyi byasubiwemo byari igisubizo cyubupfu. Ariko kubakobwa bivuye mumiryango ikungahaye, hitamo umukandida ubereye ni utwugoye cyane. Igitekerezo cy'umukobwa ntirushobora guhurira hamwe no gusuzuma ababyeyi bayo, kandi gusura burundu kubakinnyi baturutse mu bagabo batandukanye akenshi biganisha ku kutumvikana.
Nyuma yicyemezo cyiza, abavandimwe b'umugeni bakoresha uruzinduko rwo kwibanda ku mukwe. Basuzuma neza amakorari yumurano uzaza, kugirango bumve ibihe bizamura umukobwa wabo nyuma yo gusoza ubumwe bwubukwe. Kandi nyuma gato yuko ibiganiro bitangirira ku bukwe ubwabwo. Uyu muco wo mu kirusiya cyiswe "Jya kuri kashe", aho umutungo utimukanwa waho uzasuzugurwa cyane.
Icyemezo cyiza cyababyeyi b'umugeni byagaragajwe muburyo butandukanye. Kurugero, niba bemeye umugati uzanwa nabagenzi. Mubyukuri, mu Burusiya, hari inzira nyinshi zo kwerekana uburenganzira bwabo cyangwa kwanga hatabayeho amagambo. Abavandimwe b'umukwe waje kwibaza umugeni, bategereje igisubizo cyiza, ariko ntabwo buri gihe yakiriye icyifuzo. Mugihe habaye kwanga, ababyeyi b'umugeni batanze wamat wamat wamat cyangwa igihaza. Rimwe na rimwe, bashira gusa umuryango muburyo bubi. Nyuma yibi bikorwa byerekeye umugeni na bene wabo bagendaga icyubahiro kibi.
Nyuma yimihango yose yo gukuraho, umukobwa wumujyi wabonye imiterere yumugeni. Ntamuntu numwe na kimwe mubihe byose ntibishobora kumusanga ndetse birenze kugerageza kuzerera. Nubwo inkuru iba ikungahaye cyane mugihe umukobwa wasezeranye yirukana numukunzi we nyawe kuva munsi yikamba ryaturutse mubantu be batoranijwe nababyeyi.
Nigute kurandura muri iki gihe cyacu?
Kurandura byagezweho byasobanuwe byoroshye cyane cyane kubaturage ba metero nini. Umukwe wa SVATI, cyangwa ahubwo, bene wabo ba hafi barashobora gukoresha cyane disikuru gakondo yimigenzo ndetse nibindi byinshi ntibikwiranye nibintu byinshi hamwe nibyapa. Imvugo imwe gusa "Ufite ibicuruzwa, dufite umucuruzi, twageze uyu munsi. Nubwo bimeze bityo, kurandura bigezweho mubintu bisa numuhango wa kera.
Mbere yo kujya munzu ku mugore uzaza, umugabo abona ibibyimba byinshi indabyo nziza, ugeze kuri nyina na nyirakuru. Umugeni ubwayo arashobora gutumiza uruganda rwibiruka. Umukinnyi, ninde wabavandimwe b'umukwe, agomba kugira impano zidasanzwe, nk'ibiryo byinshi mu gupakira neza cyangwa igitebo n'imbuto n'indabyo z'inzoga. Byongeye kandi, umukwe cyangwa nyina agomba guhabwa umugeni impano idasanzwe. Birashobora kuba urunigi cyangwa imiryango yumuryango wumugabo uzaza.
Ababyeyi b'umukobwa bakeneye gutanga ikintu kidasanzwe kizasiga ibintu byiza kandi bazakomeza kwibuka birebire. Iyi nuance yumvikanye neza mbere yumugeni. Nkimpano, alubumu yifoto, igikundiro cyurugo, buji yakozwe n'intoki n'ibindi bintu bisa birashobora kuba byiza. Amategeko yumukino wumukino avuga ko nyuma yinama yumukino, igomba kuba kumeza yo gutwikira no gufata ibiryo kugirango baganire ku gihe nyamukuru cyinama - ubukwe.
Niki ugomba kujyana nawe?
Kureba nogentiong yo kurandura kwa kijyambere, mbere ya byose yibuka umugati wibirori. Abohewe mu ruhande rw'umukwe agomba kuba amahano yashyizweho ku gitambaro cyera ahagaragara mu ntoki. Iki kimenyetso gitanga umugeni kwimukira munzu yumukwe. Twabibutsa ko umugati, nkumushyitsi udasanzwe mubiruhuko, ni igihe cyose muri ibyo birori kandi kiribwa kumpera. Ubundi, umuco wa bene wabo b'ejo hazaza, ni ukuvuga ko umukwe n'ababyeyi b'umugeni, uhuza igitambaro. Ariko ntabwo abantu bose bakoresha uyu muhango.
Muri iki gihe cyiki gihe, umukwe ntiyigeze abona kujya kumuhuza n'amaboko yubusa. Indabyo zabagore, impano zirabigirana bene wabo kandi bashimisha ibintu bito kubwimpamvu iyo ari yo yose igomba kwitabira umufuka wumusore. Kugirango umunsi mukuru ube icyamamare, ibintu byabaye bigomba kwitegura mbere no gukora muburyo burambuye. Ibyatsi bizwi bizafasha gukora gahunda irambuye. Muri uru rubanza, kurandura bigezweho bizabera kurwego rwo hejuru.
Navuga iki?
Mbere yo kujya kumuhuza, abavandimwe b'umukwe bagomba gutegura amagambo yihariye kubabyeyi b'umugeni. Bagomba kwiyumvisha ubwabo, umukwe no gusobanura ishingiro ryuruzinduko rwabo. Nyuma yo kwakira icyiciro, abashyitsi bajya munzu bavuga kubyerekeye ibirori biri imbere. Gusobanukirwa uburemere bwibirori byose, umuhuza agomba kuyobora ibiganiro byose bijyanye nubukwe bwikubye, ariko mugihe kimwe ntabwo ari ugusobanura umwihariko. Amagambo yagose azagutera gusobanukirwa cyane na bene wabo b'ejo hazaza.
Mubyukuri, ibiganiro nkibimenyetso bifata intangiriro yabo kuva rus. Mugihe rero byanze ababyeyi b'umugeni, umugeni ntabwo yakomeretse. Kandi ukurikije izina ryumukobwa, iki cyemezo ntikizaga. Kubera ko umwanda yari ikintu giteganijwe mu bukwe, Amagambo make gusa yageze kuri uyumunsi, kurugero:
- "SVAt ntabwo itwara ukuri";
- "Amaguru Yambere Yambere n'Inkoni ya mbere";
- Ati: "Tuzakeka uburyo bwo guha umukobwa."
Muri icyo gihe, muri buri nteruro hari ibisobanuro byihishe. Dukurikije imigenzo, mu gihe habaye gushidikanya, ababyeyi b'umugeni batangajwe n'amagambo "urakoze kubwurukundo, guhuza, none ntidushaka guha umukobwa."
Nigute ushobora kwitwara neza?
Kuri buri shyaka, umukino washyizweho inshingano zayo. Igice kinini cyimirimo kiri ku bitugu byabo baboshye numukwe. Bagomba kwinezeza no gutondeka kubisubizo byiza. Nta na hamwe mu buryo ubwo ari bwo bwose, ifunga ntishobora kuvuga ku mugeni cyangwa abavandimwe bayo bateranya ukuri.
Amaze kunyura mu rugo rw'umukobwa, ababyeyi b'umugeni batumira abafite imikino kumeza afunguye. Usibye gushinga ubuhanga bwubukorikori, hari ibinyobwa bishyushye kumeza. Kuva mu bihe bya kera, umuco wo guherekeza uhendunga wo kuba umuhuza ntigomba kwanga inzoga, bityo wemeze ko wubaha no kwiringira umugeni. Ikintu nyamukuru, nta fanatism, kugirango utangiza ibiruhuko murukundo.
Umukwe ubwe agomba kwitwara nabi, ntagomba kugoreka kandi rwose asaba ikintu. Ikintu yari akeneye nukugeraho aho ababyeyi b'abageni, bityo babonye umugisha. Umugeni na we, agomba kuba yicaye bucece akareba gusa inzira zose. Mbere, imigenzo yasabye imyambarire ihoraho yumukobwa mumyambarire myiza, uyumunsi urashobora kwanga.
Ibishoboka
Ihuza rigezweho rigufasha kwimura gato mumigenzo yemewe yo kurangiza. Kugirango umunsi mukuru ube mwiza, amahitamo meza azaba imyiteguro yibanze kandi yo kwandika inyandiko aho abantu bose bazahabwa uruhare rwihariye. Uyu munsi, ibintu bisekeje birazwi cyane, ni ukuri cyane kubatuye mine. Birasa nkaho bidasanzwe kandi birasa nishusho mugihe umukwe hamwe nabahuza, abacuranzi nigihano bihagaze ku bwinjiriro bwubwinjiriro, aho icyuho cye kibaho.
Dukurikije ibintu byanditse byanditse, ibintu byagaragaye nk '"umugenzacyaha" kandi bisaba ababyeyi b'umugeni ku ngingo zitandukanye zijyanye n'umukobwa n'umuryango wabo muri rusange. Ibisubizo byakiriwe, ibitekerezo byose byabashyitsi bizirika kumugeni ubwayo. Ishusho yacyo igomba gutandukanya abari aho bose. SWACHY ikwiranye numukobwa mubigeragezo bike kugirango yumve niba akwiye kuba umugore wumugore we. Umugeni amaze guterana imyigende.
Muri uwo muhango, abashyitsi n'ababyeyi b'umugeni bahabwa ibirundo bito. Kuri buri cyiciro cy'Ibyanditswe byateguye toast. Mugihe cyibizamini, Chastushki na rubanda hakoreshwa nkumuziki uherekeza. Nyuma y'igice kinini cy'ibyabaye bya Swaha, itangira gukina imikino itandukanye n'abashyitsi, hanyuma ihamagarira abaturage bishimye kwicara ku meza y'ibirori.
Kugirango twumve urutonde rwibikorwa, Birakenewe gukora gahunda ngufi yibyabaye, ushobora gutangira no gutanga ibitekerezo byawe.
- Ukuza kwa Umukunzi munzu yumugeni kazoza. Inama yabo igomba guherekezwa nintambwe n'indirimbo.
- Gukundana. Abavandimwe b'ejo hazaza bashobora kuba barabonetse bwa mbere, bityo bakeneye igihe cyo gusuhuza no gukundana. Muri kano kanya, umukwe yerekana ababyeyi b'umugeni kandi akabafata atikwaga.
- Ubutumire kumeza. Ababyeyi b'umugeni bagomba gukora bene wabo ejo hazaza ibirori byo iminsi mikuru kandi babikesheje ahantu.
- Kugaragara k'umugeni. Umukobwa agaragara mumashusho meza cyane, mugihe ababyeyi be bagomba gusobanura imico myiza yumukobwa wabo.
- Kumenyekana mu rukundo. Umukwe agomba kuvuga uburyo akunda amahitamo ye.
- Tumaze kubona umugisha kubabyeyi b'umugeni, inzira yo gutabaza irashobora gusuzumwa karangiye. Icyiciro cyanyuma gihinduka cake nicyayi.
Kubijyanye nuburyo bwo guhuza umugeni, reba videwo ikurikira.