Hate to the mother-in-law is strongly injected by the situation, up to the origin of this war. Sometimes the quarrels of two women lead to the breakdown of the family.
Possible causes of hatred
Any mother sees in his son an ideal man, although in reality he may not fit this image. The daughter-in-law is perceived far from perfection. Not such a companion mother desired her beloved child. She looks like the weaknesses in the selected son. Mother is hard to cope with the feeling of jealousy, provoking dissatisfaction with the daughter-in-law. The mother-in-law sees a rival in it. After all, the attention and love of the son switches on the spouse. The woman seems to do not need her son, so the lady is trying to attract attention to each other way.
If the child was brought up without a father, he was always supported for his mother, fulfilled the role of the head of the family. After the marriage of the Son, the mother begins to treat it often to visit her, often looking for the most minor reasons. Such behavior of a woman can be poured into endless scandals of daughter-in-law with a spouse. The situation is increasing, hostility to the mother-in-law is enhanced.
The sense of property contributes to the increase in the negative between all the members of the triangle. The clarification of the relationship, the detention of a beloved man, the desire to intercept the palm of the championship. If both ladies are leaders by nature, the struggle for the "throne" is inevitable. Each of them claims to be the best hostess at home. The desire to defend their primacy leads to hostility and hatred.
Sometimes, because of some circumstances have to live with mother-in-law. And if the dwelling originally belonged to her, then the daughter-in-law involuntarily appear complexes and fears. After all, it becomes a violator of the usual lifestyle.
Taste preferences, habits, approach to cleaning, methods of cooking dishes can greatly differ. When young features are in material dependence on a new family, it is initially doomed to losing any battle. Infinite stressful situations often sow the hate of mother-in-law.
If the family head is the only son, then all maternal love is aimed exclusively for him. In this case, the daughter-in-law is perceived by the person who shook at the treasure. Mother seems to be that only she knows how to care for his beloved man and how to feed it. Just she knows when it is better to silent and what phrase should pronounce the next moment. The mind of the daughter-in-law is perceived in the bayonets. First, that smiles in response, then annoyed. The dissatisfaction with time increases, gradually turning into hatred.
Often, reasons for the rejection of mother-in-law are different views on raising children. Grandma insists on his position, dictates what and how to do. An unequal point of view on family life, home duties, rest lead to disagreements and strengthen the dislike of daughter-in-law to mother-in-law. To hatred pushing comparisons of her husband's favorite with her beloved mother. Especially if the spouse constantly criticizes his wife, leading to his parents as an example.
Sometimes the mother-in-law is boring to live on pensions. She is looking for an interlocutor, so it is often visible to visit. The lady lacks communication. And the daughter-in-law annoy regular visits to the mother-in-law, the good intentions of which are perceived as total control. The young feature is so tortured by permanent visits of the relative, that even the former mother-in-law never ceases to hate.
What to do?
First of all, try to understand how your own mother-in-law can please. It is very important to accept the fact that it should not live according to your rules, meet certain standards and justify your expectations. Show to her tolerance. Always go to contact this woman: Look for a common language, set up on a constructive dialogue. You are not required to compete with mother-in-law for the love and attention of men.
You must always remember that it was this woman who wore your husband under her heart. She gave birth to him, brought up as she could. You yourself chose the husbands of this person. So, something he attracted your attention, something conquered you. A bad mother could not raise his son well. It is necessary to make all the forces to overcome his hatred of the mother-in-law. A constant scrolling in the head of negative thoughts provokes deterioration of the physical and emotional state. The accumulated resentment generate various diseases. With my hatred, you make irreparable harm to your own health.
This woman is worthy of respect and gratitude. Show politeness and tacty to it. Keep calm and do not take a reason for further attacks on you. Try to take into account the wishes of your husband's mother. Respectful attitude to mother-in-law in any situation will help both get rid of negative emotions. Over time, Natisk will stop.
Show attention to your mother-in-law. Integet to her affairs and health. Tell her interesting news. Advance with her even if you have long been accepted. Let it always feel their significance. Let it command, openly express your discontent. Recognize her authority. Smooth all the ways sharp corners in your relationship.
Praise her son, thank you for the upbringing of such a beautiful man. Admire she could grow a decent man.
Do not forget to praise the dishes prepared by it. Establish the outfits of your mother-in-law, mark her sophisticated taste. Your attention will cause positive emotions in a woman. Sincere compliments contribute to the establishment of excellent relationships.
You can stop hateing my mother-in-law, if you begin to be interested in her last life. Let it tell you how she managed to simultaneously wash and stroke the pelleins, diapers, pile, prepare for three dishes and still work on two works. Try mentally to recreate the atmosphere of the previous years. Then you can better understand the feelings and emotions of the mother-in-law. Try to find with her common interests. Invite your current and former mother-in-law in theaters, cafes, shopping. Take together knitting, drawing, Scandinavian walking, fitness, yoga or aerobics. We grasp the woman who gave birth to you husband, flowers, candy and fruit.
Never set up your spouse against your mother. My wife can be changed at any time, and the mother of a person is alone. No matter how nasty it seemed to you, try to build friendly relationships with her. A man, sincerely loving his mother, never betray her. It is no coincidence in any conflict situations most men are on the side of the mother. If there is a negative against the mother to the son, then try to compensate it with your positive emotions. It is not worth paying any attention to the pricking statements to your chosen one. Surrive your husband with worry, love, show respect for him.
Tips for psychologist
The desire to correct the behavior of the mother-in-law is usually not crowned with success. Before you formed personality, so forcibly changed its well-established views is unlikely to succeed. The lady claims recognition, respect and high assessment of his person. Try to satisfy these needs. Listen to the advice of mother-in-law. If you do not like you, then do it in your own way. But do not give her and not annoy. Do not respond to insults, do not go to the individual, do not deepen the conflict situation. Mark your borders. Agree on domestic and financial responsibilities. If you live together, it will save it from mutual claims.
Never interfere with the relationship between your spouse and his mother. Do not forbid her husband to visit your own mother or communicate with her by phone. Do not interfere in your complex relationships with the mother-in-law of children. Tell them only good stories about their grandmother. Even if you consider it the most evil mother-in-law in the world, then let the grandchildren in the memories will remain only pleasant moments associated with their grandmother. Children should not be hostages to adult quarrels.
Strive to turn the mother of her husband in an allied, and not in the enemy. You should not behave hypocritically and squeeze through the teeth an insincere smile, but you can relate to the mother-in-law. Learn to control yourself and your actions. Remember that unnecessary frankness does not lead to anything good. At the first of your quarrel with her husband, mother-in-law can put you in front of him in a disadvantage.
In no case, do not attract other relatives to your relationship with your mother-in-law, do not build with them revenge plans. Often the behavior of the daughter-in-law does not improve the situation, but provokes a new wave of conflicts. To avoid this, a woman must adhere to certain rules:
- Show flexibility in relationships;
- Do not complain my husband to his mother;
- It is impossible to allow rude expressions towards the mother-in-law;
- Do not prove her correctness;
- Do not gossip with neighbors and friends of the mother-in-law;
- Do not take grandchildren from grandmother, do not interfere with their conflict;
- In quarrels with her husband, do not say that his mother has rebuilt badly;
- No need to put on your husband's feelings in the presence of mother-in-law;
- never revenge your mother's satellite, do not make it any packages;
- Give the compliments of the mother-in-law and spouse;
- Do not shift the care of your children to your grandmother, do not require constant supervision of grandchildren from it.
Many women wonder whether it is necessary to devote a husband in particular relations with mother-in-law. It is best not to face foreheads of loved ones. Imagine your husband's condition and do not force it to rush between two lights. Attempt to solve the problem yourself. Chat with my mother-in-law, voice your views, tell her about your experiences, find out the cause of the pick-up. Maybe she did not suspect how much inconvenience delivers you.
In the most extreme cases, refer to the psychologist. He will carefully work out the situation and will help you cope with the Natius of the mother-in-law.
