Being in love is a normal condition for a person. It mobilizes the psyche and the body as a whole, pushes on great deeds and accomplishments. Love is a condition that begins in a person even before he reaches the age of puberty. And after children become adults, the opportunity to fall in love helps them create their families, give birth to children, feel happiness. But not everyone can afford so just fall in love. People suffering from phyloophobia do not agree to experience such feelings for any benefits.
What it is?
Phyloophobia - a widely widespread problem . This is a mental disorder that manifests itself. In the pathological fear fall in love. This fear is very complex and multifaceted, it may be a temporary disorder that happened after severe personal experience in love, and maybe a chronic disorder.
In any case, the philophobic needs help, otherwise he risks live life alone, experiencing panic fear every time potential partners, attractive and interesting people who could have been a wonderful couple on his ways that could be a wonderful pair.
The disorder is called not by chance: Phileo translated from Greek means "love". The definition is made to the list of mental disorders stipulated by the International Code of ICD-10 disease under code 40.2 - phobic disorders. The name of this phobia speaks by itself. Fear can settle in each, they suffer from both young men and girls and adult men and women. At the same time, in women, the problem occurs somewhat more often than in men. Fear is formed, as a rule, based on the personal experience of a person or in childhood, when perception becomes an exacerbated, in the so-called sensitive periods.
Elements of phyloophobia may occur in everyone who suffered a love loss - the departure of a partner, betrayal, betrayal, death. But such feelings are temporary, and gradually fear of new love retreats, the person becomes ready for new relations. If true phyloophobia is developing, most likely there will be no new relationship.
On the basis of phyloophobia about a third of cases, narcissism and egoism are developing.
Often, the phyloofa is beginning to abuse alcohol and drugs to "crush" their inner fear and conflict (In man, fear fell in love with the natural need for relationships with the opposite sex). Alcohol and psychoactive substances will temporarily give relief, in any case, until the time when it becomes addiction.
Against the background of phyloophobia, concomitant mental disorders are often developing, the risk of developing depression increases. Some phylofoby are solved for suicide, and not finding ourselves "of this" in this world.
Causes of occurrence
Love is an amazing strength and effect feeling that can raise a person on the seventh sky from happiness or make the most unfortunate in the world on subjective sensations. There is nothing surprising in the fact that it is love that is the cause of the development of phyloophobia. Fear in front of love as such can experience people of different ages - from adolescents to pensioners.
Psychiatrists argue that in many respects the likelihood of such a mental violation is influenced by the type of family relationships, which the child observes in childhood. Up to 95% of phyloophobia, as it turned out, has their roots in children and adolescence.
Most often, the child has prerequisites for this phobia because of the scandals in the family, severe parent relations. At the same time, feminine phyloophobia is usually laid in a situation where his father acts by Tyran, tormented. The child sees how the mother suffers, and does not want the same participation for himself, identifying the relationship of parents with the concept of "love."
Men's phobia is laid if the mother stands as a despot, and the father suffers humiliation, bullying. In this case, the boy also forms an incorrect idea of women in general and in adulthood tries to avoid love, not to allow a serious relationship. In any case, phyloophobia acts as a protective mechanism, so the brain is trying to protect a person from situations that are perceived as dangerous.
The feeling of danger is what the child experienced every time he witnesses the next parents scandal. The psychology of a person with such a phobic disorder gives him answers to all internal questions. Proximity, love, marriage, family for him are the territory of hostilities, staying on which is conjugate with pain and suffering. To prevent this man or a woman try not to fall in love.
But this decision is not conscious. So I decided the brain, which built a strong, sometimes panic fear, who experiences a person every time, as soon as he comes to love.
The cause of phyloophobia in a girl can be Inherited from a single mother installation that "all the men - bastards, they only need" . The same erroneous estimated biased judgments (but only in the address of women) sometimes pass the sons of solo fathers.
A rather common cause of phyloophobia is considered negative personal experience, usually it falls on adolescent and youthful age. In this case, the fear of the prospect of falling in love with the action of ridicule from peers. Surely there was a dramatic and unrequited first love, an extremely negative first sexual experience or loss of a loved one.
If a young man or a girl grow under a hail of ridicule, they are usually confident that they are unattractive and cannot earn a response feeling in principle. In this case, the protective mechanism is formed as a preventive measure - if you do not want to be rejected, then nothing to fall in love. The same psycho-emotional shield creates a phylofoby who survived the unrequited first love.
If a beloved person dies or leaves another (another) - this is the strongest stimulating reason for the development of a phobia in a teenager. Any type of such a loss to an adult person to take much easier than a teenager for which a whole world can be concluded in one object. Sincere pain makes people close his inner world for romantic experiences - this is also a defense, but already from pain that is possible in new relationships.
In adults, phyloophobia can develop against the background of heavy relations in marriage, and she usually starts after a divorce. At the same time, the most common reason for the development of mental disorder, psychiatrists consider marital treason.
Signs
Fear to fall in love manifests itself on a variety of levels. You can easily reveal the phyloofob, but to change it yourself or try to build close relationships with him without the help of a psychotherapist or a psychiatrist will not work.
Symptoms are manifested in both the emotional sphere and behavior. The Philophobe himself perfectly gives itself a report that he has a pathological fear of building a new relationship with the opposite sex. He admits it, does not refuse it and can easily argue, why it is so, what reasons he has for such behavior. And while on the horizon, the phyloofob has no potential romantic partners, it is quite calm, but sometimes it is not possible to avoid sharp symptoms when a collision with potential love.
Phyloophobia is almost always reflected on the character of a person. He changes, becomes more bad, the man himself is quite selfish, he does everything possible so that others do not even have thought to get close to him as a possible satellite of life. In severe cases, the filophobes occur bouts of panic attacks every time When he meets a man who for typecasting as close as possible to the ideal image that exists in the minds of each of us. At the same time male and female phobia have different manifestations.
Men
We tend to be short-lived affair, the meeting "for one night" to meet the natural sexual needs. They often change partners, do it with ease. And it may seem that they have "nothing is sacred". But it is not. Just for a man such behavior - a variant of protection against possible risks it may pose a serious love.
If one of those fleeting partners decides to drag filofoba down the aisle, or just give a hint of a long relationship, the patient may show numerous signs of phobic disorders - heart rate quickens, there is a strong feeling of anxiety, and sometimes - a hopelessness, a feeling of breathlessness, nausea, aversion to the situation in general, want to escape as quickly as possible and as far as possible.
Filofobov not be confused with intimofobami and asexual. They are okay with intimate desires and their implementation, they are not afraid themselves of the opposite sex. But they experience them only sexual desire, and nothing more. Male filofoby can honestly answer if you ask them what they fear most. Most indicate that their love of keeping the fear of losing personal freedom, becoming dependent on the other person's actions and sentiments, the fear to be responsible not only for themselves, the fear of being betrayed.
Often filofobom moves fear of being financially insolvent, to feed his family (Often in childhood, the boy watched as the mother humiliates his father for what he earns little). Male filofoby look a little sloppy, they do not attach importance to the little things in your wardrobe, they disregard the rules - for example, do not shave. Very much like to be in unfamiliar company, because they have no one will ask awkward questions about his personal life. People with mental disorders often seen in nightclubs.
Women
The fair sex with such a mental disorder behave in much the same. They may flirt, it does not cause uncomfortable sensations. But here is the prospect of a long standing relationship caused consternation. Sometimes women and does adhere to avoidance behavior - try not to get acquainted with men to avoid being in love (This feature is characteristic of severe filofobii).
If the fan begins to take the initiative, insists in a serious relationship, the woman comes to horror, it scares it, it becomes aggressive, nervous, resides in a state of anxiety and tries any ways to finish any communication with this man.
Often phyloophobia in women accompany the reluctance to have children . It is not about infertility or temporary financial and other difficulties, but about the "Childfries" - ideological belief in the benefits of childlessness. If a woman with such a disorder is still solved on a child, then it prefers it alone, deliberately refusing to marry and raise the baby together with the partner.
What fillofa feel when they "threaten" love or the prospect of a serious relationship is not so easy to understand.
Consider that most people with such fear can control their emotions in order not to fall in love. But they cannot control the manifestations of horror in the event of a collision with a traumatic situation. They lose the feeling of reality, the whole world around turns into one solid horror, the hands shake appears, the pulse is studied, breathing becomes frequent. In severe cases, a person may lose consciousness.
The symptoms of the panic attack may appear in the event that the patient himself suddenly caught herself that the partner suddenly began to interest him not only as a "sexy object".
You can make relationships with philophobes only by their rules. Or rather, according to the rules of their mental disorder. To talk about something else, you must first help a person get rid of his fear. Make it can a psychiatrist, psychotherapist, which will identify the degree of disorder with special tests and prescribe adequate therapy. For testing, it is used by a classic anxiety scale and specific tests that include issues related to sensations after sexual proximity to it, as well as questions about the degree of confidence.
Methods of treatment
The course of psychotherapeutic care is necessary almost always. Only light forms of phyloophobia in the initial stages can be eliminated by relaxation and increasing the degree of confidence in the people of the opposite sex. If the fear is present for more than six months, without the help of a specialist can not do. The doctor will help to establish and work out the true causes of fear, raise children's memories, will give the opportunity to look at them in a new, adult look.
For treatment, gestalt therapy is used, as well as cognitive behavioral therapy, in which old erroneous installations are replaced with new, positive.
In some cases, the medications are helped to get rid of phyloophobia, but they are not prescribed separately, but during the course of psychotherapy and only if a person already has accompanying mental disorders, for example, depression or neurosis. In this case, medicines perform a symptomatic role - when depressed, for example, animepressants are taken.
If philophobia is presented independently, without related symptoms, medications are not prescribed.
As auxiliary methods, which are designed to teach a person to relax, use acupuncture, massage, electrone. The patient is strongly recommended to look touching love movies with a happy finale, as well as read the same books. A successful treatment option is the course, after which the patient can go to a gradual, smooth convergence with a partner.
For partners, doctors have their recommendations - As they recovers, they should more often talk to a former philophobe about personal, as well as show maximum sensitivity, attention and care.
